Shine
by toloveher
Summary: Sequel to Before Today. Set to be about 3 months later.
1. Conversations

Life on a bus is eventful.

Stressful as you could imagine, frightening as a grizzly bear, tiring as running 34 miles, depressing as being away, and as great as you could ever believe. It's hard though, really hard even. But the only thing harder than being here is not being here.

Not because I don't trust Ashley, because I do. I know she wouldn't cheat on me with any of these hoes she has falling at her feet at every show, press conference, meet & greet, Starbucks, Subway, guest performance, interview she does/attends. I know that she knows what we have. I know that she wouldn't want to ruin that.

We've been on tour for 2 weeks of this one month long tour. They are thinking of extending it, but I think that I'd have to skip out on that one. We don't spend every night in the bus though, we sometimes rent hotels for overnight stays. There is only one room in the bus, which we all had to fight our asses off for. Ashley, of course, won because she's the best at everything so I guess it's more fortunate that we've got the room and such. Believe me, sharing a bathroom and a bus with three boys (and your girlfriend) is hard. Add on the driver as well. Craig is fine, considering he never really bothers anyone- he just keeps to himself most of the time which I love about him. He's a really great guy. Chris is great, because he always is, even though he's a pig and never cleans up after himself though. His girlfriend Laura comes to visit us on the bus once in awhile with CJ, so she tends to clean up for him. It's cute, in my opinion. Aiden is the absolute worst though. He whole heartedly believes that Ashley is his sister (which I love him for) and continues to refer to me as his sister in law (which I love as well), but again, he just got married and doesn't feel the desperate need to ever clean after himself, no matter what the situation.

Fun.

They're wrapping up a show right now. I'm backstage and I can hear everything. Aiden is thanking everyone for coming to see them tonight, and they all cheer because that's pretty much what they're supposed to do. Finally, he gives them a goodnight and they come flooding backstage, all sweaty and covered in filthy.

Ashley looks especially dirty tonight. She's wearing tight black ripped skinny jeans with her favorite ACDC shirt, tied in a knot on her hip. With that, she's wearing a red bandana around her head to go with her new red guitar she just bought. She smiled once she saw me, "Well aren't you the most beautiful girl in the world."

I looked down at my outfit; old jeans I had since I was in High School and Ashley's favorite blue button down. Not very special to me.

"I'm looking at her," I smiled as she kissed me on the cheek.

After that, we all drove over to a local hotel to check in. We stay in hotels at night when there are two shows lined up for us and they're in pretty close areas. We don't stay in rooms much, so when we do, we each have our own room (thank God).

Aiden is having a hotel party at his tonight. Upon being 'separated' from his wife, he has... gone crazy. Not gone crazy crazy, but he's like a caged animal. When he got married, he got a collar put on him and he was set to live, with his wife, in their mansion on their way to forever. Upon the collar came things that Aiden could not handle, therefore he went rapid in his cage. His wife didn't enjoy it, so here he is; back on tour, without his wife. Back on tour and partying for all the time he couldn't.

I don't blame him for it, since that's what generally happens with most marriages. But all it does is make me think about Ashley and what will happen when, or if, we get married. I don't want to cage her. I don't want her to go rancid under me.

I don't want to get separated.

Here we are though; in Aiden's hotel while he does a keg and me and Craig are sitting on the bed in the back of the room. It's a really fancy hotel, so I have no idea why Aiden picked this room to trash. He's definitely going to be paying for the damages with all the people in here.

"I wonder how Casey is," Craig says as he stares over at Aiden, whom is upside down over a keg and listening to chants coming from all around him, including my girlfriend whose chants I can hear the loudest.

Casey is Aiden's wife, whom is left at home looking after her and Aiden's two dogs, Sparky and Lola.

"Devastated probably," Craig continues before taking a sip of his beer. See, Craig is the sensitive boy that every girl wants. He's pretty much the epitome of the cutest boy on the face of the planet. Hell, if I were straight, I would probably give him a go. But upon being famous, it's hard to find someone that actually loves you for you. "She probably misses him."

"Well she did spend the last 6 years with him," I cleared my throat, sitting up. Craig was staring at Aiden while I sat staring at Ashley. "That's definitely someone you'd miss."

"Yeah," Craig shook his head. He looked back at me, adjusting his hat. "Do you think that they'll get back together? Think that all they needed was some time apart?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. I never really thought about it like that. "They probably will. There has to be something in those 6 years that are worth staying together for, right?"

"Of course," he smiled at me, showing his perfectly straight teeth. "You don't just let that kind of people go, you know?"

"Indeed," I got up from the bed, handing him my beer. He got up as well, probably intent on walking me to my room. Craig is a hardcore mama's boy, so he knows how to treat women right. "It's fine, Craig. I'll see you in the morning, right?"

"Yes," He leaned down to hug me before jumping back on the bed and lighting a cigarette. "I have to call my mom soon anyway. Good luck getting Ashley back to her room."

I smirked and started walking to my girlfriend, whom just left the room and is no standing in the hallway right in front of me. She's pretty much wasted, and is hugging the wall.

"You alright, babe?" I wrap her arm around my shoulder as I wrap mine around her waist in attempt to walk her to our room. She smiles at me with her eyes closed and starts wobbling back to the room, which is on the other side of the hall.

"There were a lot of people in there," she says once I put her on the bed. She lays down, giving me permission to take off her shoes, which I start doing before she starts to chuckle. "Soooo much people, Spence, but I only saw you. I always only see you."

I smiled, now taking off her jeans and putting some boxers on. I leaned above her to give her a kiss, "I love you Ashley."

She smiles brightly at me, "I love my Spencieeee."

I roll my eyes, smiling and get off of her to take off her shirt.

"Aiden was talking about Casey tonight," She announces with her eyes closed, yawning. I can tell she's just talking about whatever she's thinking now. She yawned again, "He misses her, her her."

She giggles.

"Do you think they'll get back together?" I asked, making her sit up so I can put the shirt over her head. She shrugged.

"Of course," she yawned and laid back down in her bra. I sighed. That'll be enough for sleep I guess. "I mean like... Aiden wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And that's like... BIG, you know? That's like.. life, Spence. I mean, if you wanted to separate from me after a few years of marriage, I'd understand, but I'd still do anything in my power for you to come back to me."

I smiled. I wasn't really expecting a serious answer, but I wasn't expecting this one either. It was drunken of course, but it was still heartfelt. In my opinion, at least.

I kissed her on the forehead and laid her to rest. I laid my own head for sleep with my arms wrapped around Ashley, wondering if in 6 years from now, she will still be telling me the things that I waited 3 years to openly hear.

**AN: I know, it starts off slow, but yeahh. I named it Shine because I got more votes on Shine and even a vote for The Shine of Cosmic Love (which made me laugh) but I have another story in mind so I'll just name that one Cosmic Love when (or if) it's put up.**

**Anyways, let me know what you think. Thanks.**


	2. Mama's Stamp

"I used to hate it when Raife went on the road. Ugh," I could hear Christine's eye roll on the other line as I walked around the hotel. Ashley is still asleep, so I decided to answer Christine's phone call for her. I smirked as Christine continued, "I always suspected that he was out fucking all those goddamn hoes that throw their slutty asses at him and was I right? Of course."

"How do you even know that, Christine?"

"I could feel it when he was around," I smiled and pictured Christine brushing off her shoulders. "Can't ever trust a rock star, Spencer. Never."

I sighed. How was I supposed to trust my rock star with this knowledge?

"Anyways Spence, I have to go," I could hear her fuss around on the other line. "We have reservations at Le Deu tonight at 8, alright? See you there, love ya!"

I sighed once I heard the dial tone. Dinner with Christine was always... eventful. I walked back into the room to find Ashley sitting upright against the headboard. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting and staring at the TV, which wasn't on.

I made a face and stepped closer to the bed, "You okay, Ash?"

She looked over at me with a confused look on her face, "What?"

I sat on the bed, now completely worried. She looked... off. Almost like she was on edge or something. Like she didn't know what the fuck was going on. "Are you okay, Ash? What's wrong?"

She shook her head oddly, looking down at her hands. She looked back up at me like she didn't know where the hell she was, "Where have you been?"

I made a face, "What?"

"Where have you been?" She looked hard into my eyes, keeping my confused gaze. I made a face.

"I just went to walk around the hotel, Ash. I didn't go anywhere."

"No, I haven't seen you for 3 days," She looked back over to the TV, as if she suddenly saw it move. She shook her head slowly.

"What? What're you talking about?" I sat up and grabbed Ashley's hands, which she pulled away, now staring back at her hands. "Ash, you're scaring me."

"No, I haven't seen you for days," She looked at the TV again. "I swear that was on two seconds ago."

"Ash, you don't watch TV that often," I looked over at her. Her right hand was holding her left tightly. I went to hold them, but she shook her head at me. "What's wrong, love? You're seriously starting to scare me, Ash."

"It was on," She looked at me. Her face was still the same, but maybe even a bit more confused. Now I was just worried as hell. Ashley never acts like this. She doesn't even joke about this either. "It was on. It was on. Did you turn it off?"

I looked down at her chest. She was breathing really heavily, but her chest was raising and falling really slowly. Like she was taking very deep breaths.

I immediately sat up, "Ash, did you take your Enalapril this morning?"

"Oh... no," She shook her head and looked down at her hands. "I didn't."

I opened the drawer next to the bed, getting the Enalapril out. I went and got a glass of water, contemplating if I should call Christine or not. I mean, she has literally never acted like this before. She's never been so... out of it before. She never plays practical jokes about this kind of thing, just because she knows how I am and that I would react very well to her playing me like that.

"Here Ash," I handed her the glass of water, which she just stared at. She looked back up at me, signaling that she wasn't going to be holding those any time soon. "Okay, open up."

She opened her mouth for the pills, which I set into her mouth. She immediately dry swallowed them, which made me frown because I hate how she does that. I let her drink from the straw and she looked back at the TV once she was done.

"You okay, Ash?" I rubbed her upper arm, which set off another confused look on her face. "You feel better?"

"Yeah," She shook her head and gulped. I sighed. "What are we going to do today?"

"You have an interview with the boys," I brushed some hair behind her ear. I was going to continue, but she cut me off.

"I can't do an interview today," she shook her head, closing her eyes. That caught my attention immediately. Ashley, no matter how sick or tired she is, will never cancel anything she has planned for her. She could literally be on her death bed, but if she has a performance, she will go through with it. "I can't, Spencer. I can't. Not today."

"Okay baby," I sat up and got closer to her. She was looking back down to her hands again, which was starting to worry and confuse the shit out of me, and started shaking her head again. "You don't have to do it. The boys will take care of it."

She nodded, still looking down at her hands. "Please."

"Alright," I got up. I needed to call Christine, or at least Kyla or Lana. "I'll go talk to Craig about it."

The nice thing about Moments At Last is that they don't have a manager. They go by their own rules.

I called Christine the moment I left the room. I was the one breathing heavily now, mostly due to the paranoia and worry now flooding through my entire body. I sighed once she didn't pick up. After that, I immediately called Craig.

"Hey Spence," He always answers by name. "What's up?"

"Craig, Ashley can't do the interview today," I put my hand over my forehead. I could feel a migraine coming on. "She's not feeling very well."

"Oh.. Well that's fine," He paused. "Is she okay? Do you need me to go check on her?"

"No it's fine Craig," I sighed. I know how Ashley is when she gets sick, and that being that she hates when people are around to see her like that. Craig being there would just make her mad, which isn't a very good mixture with dazed, in my opinion. "I'll just call you later."

"Okay, bye Spence."

I sighed when once he hung up. Now if only Christine would call me the fuck back. I sighed again and began to dial Kyla's number. She may not be in the area, but she could know some information about Ashley's… condition.

"Spencer?"

Oh shit. I turned around to see Ashley, dressed in a plain white t-shirt and black lounge pants. I immediately hung up the phone, which made me frown because once I hung up, I heard Kyla's loud 'hello?' I walked toward her, putting my phone into my pocket.

"Come on," she tilted her head toward the door and started walking. She wasn't walking normally though, not with any rhythm or any swagger she usually had. She was just… slow. "I remember yesterday you said that you wanted a cookie. There is a cookie corner downstairs, so I'm going to go get you one. You can stay upstairs if you want though."

I swear my heart almost melted.

"Ash, are you sure you're feeling okay?" I grabbed her arm to keep her from walking any further, she just looked at where I touched her and back to me. "You'd tell me if something was wrong with you, right?"

She looked down at me. Her eyes were still the same as they were a few minutes ago- confused. They were darker than usual, more rough and edgy. I didn't like it. I could tell Ashley didn't like it either.

"Yes," she started walking to the door, which was about 10 feet away. She stopped for a second, and then looked back at me. "Spencer … could you hold my hand please?"

"Of course," I grabbed her hand and interlocked her fingers with mine. They were colder than usual, but I just assumed that it was due to the blasting air conditioning in the hotel. Her fingers seemed to jump once I interlocked them, but I noticed that she wasn't holding my hand back. Brushing it off, I started walking toward the door with her. Once we got about 3 steps to the door, she stopped and sighed.

Now I'm just pretty much terrified and wondering if I should be taking her to the hospital right now.

"You know what," she smiled down at me. I could tell that it was forced. I know Ashley, and being Ashley means having to smile when you don't want to. She used her arm to get me to face her. "Could we just stay in? I'll just have Rebecca get you one… or 12."

I smiled at that. Just because I saw a hint of my Ashley in it, and it was something that I didn't have to worry about for once.

I walked her back over to bed, to where she took off her shirt with one hand and climbed back in. She patted the area in front of her, to which I laid comfortably facing her.

We just laid there for awhile. Just laid there and enjoyed each other's company. It was nice and overly lovely. Being on the road now, we don't get these kinds of moments as often- the moments where we can just lay with each other, and feel the other just being there. I missed it. Don't get me wrong, I love having fun with Ashley and trying out new things, but I just miss being alone with her; Just being us.

She sighed, "Spence… I can't feel my hands."

My eyes widened and I tried to sit up but she wouldn't let me, "What? Ash, we need to get you to a hospi-"

"No, we don't," she smiled at me. I tried to sit back up again, but she kept her arm over me so she was blocking my way. I made a face at her. "Spence, can we please just lay here? I've missed this, Spence. Let's not ruin it. Not today."

"Ashley, if you didn't know this, not being able to feel your hands is a very serious thing. Now we need to get you to a hospital," She kept me in place and settled with her head in my neck. I sighed. There would be no winning this battle. "Ashley, we're going to the hospital whether you like it or not."

"Spence, the Enalapril is bring the feeling back," she nuzzled herself into my neck. I just shook her head. I'm still taking her to the hospital. She kissed my cheek and went back into my neck, her eyes closed. "You'd make a good wife."

I just sighed. I'm just good at dealing with stubbornness, obviously.

It got me thinking; having Ashley there finally open with everything she was feeling. Her eyes were worried, and she let them pour into mine. She wanted me there. And even though she couldn't even feel her hands, she was still thinking about me. That has to be real, right? That has to be love. How else could you think of love when you're thinking about someone else when you're the one in pain? I've got the love of my life now. She loves me. She's opening herself.

It all scattered across my mind as I had Ashley asleep, cuddled into my neck. Everything did. Not just the love, but the worry. How bad can Ashley's condition really be? When the hell will I know everything about it? When will I be let in on it? Will I understand it? Can I understand it? Is it possible for anyone else to understand another person's condition? Will I be good enough? Will I ever fully be able to actually take care of Ashley when she needs me to? I have an answer to that one; of course, because that's what you do when you love someone. I want to be there for her, definitely. I wouldn't leave her for a second. But will I honestly be good enough for her?

"Hello?" I heard from the living room area of our hotel suite. I made a face. Christine's voice. I slid underneath Ashley, resting her head on a pillow and walked out, making sure that the door was closed so she could get some sleep. Once Christine saw me walk in, she wrapped me up in a bear hug, making me smile immediately and lift my mood. "Oh hello darling! I've missed you both tremendously."

"We miss you too Christine," I smiled as she sat down on one of the couches, pouring her and I a drink. I sat on the block beside her, facing her with my arm thrown in the back of the couch. She smiled at me and handed me the glass of wine. Yeah, Christine carries wine in her purse. "Ashley is sleeping right now."

"Oh, well let me go wake her ass up."

"Christine," I laughed as she took a sip of her wine. She smiled. "I think she needs it this time."

She made a face. "What do you mean?"

I sighed, taking a sip of my wine. Alcohol is nice after a whole bunch of worry. "She was acting really weird this morning. She said that she couldn't feel her hands."

"Oh," Christine frowned and then sighed. I made a face. That wasn't really the reaction I was expecting. "Yeah, she does that sometimes."

Now it was my turn to make a face. "What?"

"She tends to lack on taking the Enalapril," Christine looked down at her glass as she spoke. "She hates taking pills, even though she knows that she needs them. It's something to do with what her father put into her head about being medicated or some shit like that- it doesn't help that she's a feminist either. But anyways, sometimes she just stops taking the Enalapril."

"So then she can't feel her hands?" I made a face.

"Well… yeah," Christine sighed. "The Enalapril controls the function of her heart, Spence. When she doesn't take it, her heart basically gets confused and starts going haywire. It stops the blood from flowing in certain areas, which is why she can't feel her hands sometimes, and it usually leads to memory loss as well."

I sighed. It was all adding up now.

"I'll be making sure that she takes those goddamned pills every single day then," I downed my wine. Christine smiled sadly at me before refilling my cup.

Christine sighed happily when I took a sip of my wine, "You're a proper girl, aren't you Spence? I'm glad that Ashley has someone like you."

I smiled, looking down. Christine was never one to really express this, "I think I'm the lucky one, Christine."

"No," She shook her head. "All the previous girls that Ashley brought home were just… dirty. Some were okay, some were nice, but none were like you. So, my daughter is actually really lucky that she has you. You'll take care of her though, right?"

"Of course."

"Okay then," She smiled at me. "And if you hurt her, I will kill you myself."

I laughed.

I got Mama's stamp of approval.


	3. Heaven to Hell

Ashley was fine when she woke up.

Christine told me that she would be, so it didn't surprise me one bit. I made sure that Ashley took another pill once she awoke, just to be careful and it made her smile for some reason. After that, she shoved me back in bed and made me relax while her and Christine go and get some breakfast and she told me that she'd get me my cookies then we'll be back on the road.

I'm oddly starting to feel like a housewife. I mean... when Ashley and Christine left, I didn't even do anything. I just sat, emailed, watched some TV, and made myself some tea. That's all. I didn't really have anything to do now that I'm on break from school. It's... nice.

I need to keep myself occupied though, somehow.

I opened the room's door to leave, but immediately saw Ashley and Christine talking with their backs to me. I closed back the door, but being my nosey little self, I left the door a creek open so I could listen in. Ashley was setting something on a tray in front of her, while Christine was facing her.

"Spencer is worried about you," Christine took a sip of her wine. Why am I not surprised she already has a glass of wine back in her hand? She rolled her eyes, "You know to take your meds, Ashley. I know you know this. How could you do that to her? To yourself?"

Ashley just chuckled, "So Spencer's wellbeing lands before mine?"

"Awe, my darling daughter, of course not," Christine smirked, her lips tasting her wine. "You're even lucky that girl is still with you for making her wait that long."

Ashley sighed, smiling. She turned toward Christine, "So you like her then, right? I mean... you think she's right for me?"

"Well you haven't brought home any better."

Ashley rolled her eyes, "That's not true. You liked Haley."

I made a face. Haley Roberts; successful actress, model, and Ashley's 'favorite' ex. They dated for 2 years before Ashley met me. According to Ashley, they broke up because they're 'better off as friends' but I don't really think you only realize that after being with someone for two whole years. Ashley told me that Haley was just about the only girl that she ever really loved, aside from me of course.

So of course, I don't like Haley.

"Well Haley was different that what you brought home before," Christine took a sip of her wine. "Haley was polite, nice, and beautiful. You had that phase of bringing trash home and then suddenly you bring Haley and it's a nice change. Of course I'm going to like her. Plus, unlike all of your ex's, she actually liked being around the family."

"I guess," Ashley shrugged. I sighed. I would have liked to hear what she thought about that.

Christine sighed, smiling. She rested her hand on Ashley's shoulder, "Love, you do anything you can to keep her alright? She's a keeper. I think she's lovable, kind, sweet, beautiful and incredibly patient to be able to put up with you. I think she's perfect."

Ashley smiled at that, as so did I. I soooo got the mother's stamp of approval.

"I don't know. I hate it sometimes," Ashley bit her lip, still placing (what I now know to be) cookies on the tray. She scratched her head. "I sometimes think that she's too perfect, you know? Too kind, too lovable, too gorgeous, too... perfect. I sometimes think I'm too in love with her."

"Well this Spencer Carlin definitely did something right," Christine smirked. "She's made my badass daughter into a love sick puppy."

Christine set a hand on Ashley's shoulder as Ashley rolled her eyes. "Ash, Spencer loves you. It's obvious. She's been very brave about everything. Stick with her and make her yours forever. You won't find any better."

Ashley chuckled and picked up the tray, stopping on her way over to my door to kiss Christine on the cheek. I immediately ran back to bed, bringing the covers to my chin and setting the laptop on my lap to make it seem like I'm not a nosey little freak.

"The door was open," Ashley smirked at me and set the tray of cookies down on the drawer. She sat down on the side of the bed, facing me. I smiled at her and fought back the urge to kiss her. I looked over at the tray. It looks like she bought me every cookie. "I talked to my mom. You didn't hear anything, did you?"

I smiled and grabbed her face to kiss her like I mean it. And believe me, I do. She smiled into the kiss, wrapping her arm slightly around my waist once I sat up. I pulled away though, to make sure Ashley didn't get carried away because you know... Christine is probably right outside the door listening in on us.

"Not a word."

xxxx

We're back on the road. I hugged Christine extra tight when we said our goodbyes and I think she understood it because she winked at me once she pulled away. It made me smile and Ashley confused so all in all, it made Christine happy.

"Do you ever get jealous, Spence?" Craig asked as we walked into the convenient store at the gas station. We were stopping for gas when a bunch of random girls came up to Ashley and Aiden for autographs and pictures and shit like that. Craig hates the spot light so he grabbed me and made a run for the store. Chris was sleeping in the van, but I'm sure he would have had some fun with it.

I looked back over at Ashley. She had a blonde chick hung over her arm while the blonde tried to take a picture. I sighed.

"It's got to be hard, right?" Craig paused, looking over at the bags of potato chips. He looked back up at Ashley. "Seeing the love of your life be loved by millions every day."

"I think she's miraculous," I smiled up at him, and got back to staring at Ashley. Her and the same blonde and this redhead that was previously hung up on Aiden were talking and laughing while Aiden took pictures with the brunette. The two just seemed to be idling her, which Ashley seemed to love. "I can't blame other people for loving her."

"I know," He smiled, picking out Sun Chips. "I'm just saying I'd hate it if I had to be around it all the time, you know? If I had the love of my life with me, I'd want her to myself I guess. I don't know Spence; I guess it would just be hard for me to... share her."

I sighed, looking back at Ashley. I didn't know what to really think about that. I had Ashley, and I definitely trusted her. She definitely made sure that I knew she was mine, and that she loved me and only me. She always loved telling me that she had her eyes only set on me.

I looked at Craig, whose eyes seemed to have enlarged by the two's.

I looked back at Ashley and saw what pretty much would contradict everything that she's ever told me.

She was kissing the blonde.


	4. The Worry

**AN: Yes yes yes, I know this one is very short, but I assure you all that the next chapter will definitely be longer and better.**

**Thank you for all the feedback as well. Every single one makes me either smile, chuckle, blush, or laugh.**

**Drop one for this one, yes? :D**

**-Shyla**

**xxxxxx**

"You kissed her back."

"No," Ashley shakes her head at me. I can tell she's lying because she's closing her eyes. She always closed her eyes when she shakes her head when she lies. We're back in the bus, in the room. I'm standing in the corner in the room with my arms crossed while Ashley sits on the corner of the bed trying to reason with me.

I, for one, am beyond pissed.

I was too shocked to really do anything once I saw Ashley kissing that blonde. Craig put his hand on my shoulder, but that didn't help me very much. It didn't really snap some sense into me that I should have went up and slapped Ashley or something dramatic like that. But before I knew what to do, I saw Aiden pulling the blonde off and dragging Ashley back onto the bus.

Craig paid for all the shit I wanted because I was already gliding back on the bus once I saw where Ashley was headed.

"Spence, I just wanted to rock her world," Ashley shrugged, smiling at me. I just made a face at that. She isn't even taking this seriously!

"So you're going to rock her world in the cost or ruining mine?"

"Oh come on Spencer, don't be like that," She stood up and took a step toward me, only for me to take a few steps back. She sighed, "I'm sorry, okay? It didn't mean anything. It was just a stupid kiss."

I rolled my eyes at that. "A stupid kiss, Ashley?"

She nodded, looking down at me and giving me the eyes she knows I love. I looked away immediately. I know myself well enough to know that I can't handle those eyes. I rolled my eyes and started walking around the room, not exactly knowing what to do. The idea of going out and kissing one of the boy and labeling it as a 'stupid kiss' crosses my mind, but of course, I don't go through with it. I think about slapping her, but that would just make me be the one to apologize so I don't do that either.

"I can't believe you did that Ashley," I roll my eyes at her and sit on the bed, leaning against the headboard. She frowned, looking down at the floor. "Seriously. How many other girls have you kissed while we were together?"

"None!" She made a face, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I haven't kissed a girl other than you for 3 years until today."

"Oh so you're only going to start today?" I rolled my eyes.

"No!" She went up to me, sitting on the bed in front of me. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm an asshole for it, but I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "No, I'm mad at you."

"I'll make you dinner."

"No."

"I'll take you on a date," She smiled at me. That caught my attention. We haven't been on a date for while.

But I'm mad.

"No."

"We'll watch whatever, and however many movies you want for an entire month, baby. I'll read you to sleep everything single night and you'll wake up to breakfast in bed every single morning, I promise."

I sighed, still making my mad face at her. She's making it really mad to stay mad at her.

"Fine," I huffed, making her smile. I make another mad face at her, "But you have to do those things for two months. And you have to go with me to the Humane Society to look at all the cute animals. And we need to go to the pet store once we get back to L.A to get me that rabbit you promised me when I was in the hospital."

She smiled extra big at that, even though I don't know why. She leaned in to kiss me, but I put a hand between our mouths to block her, "No, you have to brush your teeth first."

She just sighed happily and jumped off the bed to go to the bathroom. I rolled my eyes.

I hate my girlfriend sometimes.

xxxx

"So I've been thinking about your family," Ashley announced when we were waiting in the lobby of the hotel we would be staying at. I looked up at her. She looked down at me, "Have you been?"

"Not exactly," I shrugged. "Why?"

"Well our next stop is in Ohio," She looked down and kicked the rocks nervously. I could feel a smile forming my lips already. "And I was just thinking, that... if you wanted... we could maybe spend some time with them? I mean, only if you wanted to."

My smile was full blown as I grabbed her face to kiss her. She smiled into the kiss and wrapped her arms around my waist. I pulled away from her, still smiling. She smiled down at me.

"So you really think you're ready to meet and maybe even hang out with my entire family?" I smirked.

She chuckled, still looking down at me. "Yes, I think I am. But they should know, right? I am pretty permanent, right?"

I kissed her nose, "You are very permanent."

"Well isn't it the two sweetest love birds."

I pulled away from Ashley to see the one and only person that I was actually worried about walking toward us. The dreadful ex.

The one and only Haley Rider.


	5. Without a Doubt

Haley Rider.

How do I even begin to explain Haley Rider?

Haley Rider is flawless. She has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus. I hear her hair's insured for $10,000. I hear she does car commercials... in Japan. Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time, she met John Stamos on a plane, and he told her she was pretty. One time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome.

Okay, not quite.

Haley Rider. The first thing that you should know is that she's British, with the accent and everything. So that already one ups me because everything sounds sexier and not to mention, cuter when said in an English accent. She's just about the tiniest girl you will ever meet; standing at 4'11 and skinny to the bone. She has curly auburn locks that fucking radiate off her shoulders. To me, she looks exactly like Emma Watson, but Ashley doesn't seem to agree. To me, she's a definite cute girl. I'm not blind, I know she's fucking beautiful and the world seems to agree as well since she's gotten so far on just her looks alone. Her parents and Ashley's parents are BFF's so I guess it made sense for them to be together. Ashley told me that they were serious. Like, 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' serious. But again, she told me that the reason why it didn't work out between them was because they figured that they were 'better off as friends.'

I don't know what to believe anymore.

"Snap snap Spencer," Lana, who I only noticed now was in back of Haley, snapped me out of my daze. I looked over at Ashley, whom was now giving Haley a big bear hug while the one and only Christine Davies smiled from afar. Lana wrapped her arms around me- giving me a weird hug- which surprised me because Lana isn't very much of the hugging type. "This will work out just fine."

"I'm sure Lana," I rolled my eyes. How could my girlfriend seeing her ex (that she planned on spending the rest of her life with) work out fine? Lana smiled at me and turned to Ashley. Christine came up to hug me.

"Awe Spencer I missed you both too much so I decided to visit you both again," She pulled away, smiling. I sighed and put on a big fake smile. "I decided to bring some along. I'm sad that Kyla couldn't come though. Had an appointment to feed the homeless probably."

"Indeed," I smiled and turned to Ashley when she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

"Spencer, this is Haley," Ashley smiled down at us. I sighed. Haley was standing across from me now, with her right hand stuck out for me to shake it. I took her hand in mine, shaking it gently. "Haley, this is the love of my life, Spencer."

I liked that introduction.

"I've heard a lot about you," Haley smirked, giving me the elevator eyes, which I personally thought was hilarious considering she looks like a midget. Fuck, the accent! She seriously is like a clone of Emma Watson. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Charmed," I smiled and let go of her hands. Her hands were too soft for my liking.

"We were just about to get a bite to eat," Haley smiled at me again. She has some straight teeth going on there. "Would you like to join us? It'd be nice to... discuss."

Ashley kissed the side of my head, making me sigh. She wants to go.

"Sure," my fake smile was back. "What the hell not?"

xxxx

"I love how you didn't even mention that I was going to be meeting your ex today," I rolled my eyes. Ashley and I are currently walking, alone, to the restaurant that Haley picked out for us. Lana, Christine and Haley are already there- probably talking about me when we walk. "I could have at least gotten a heads up or something."

"Baby, I didn't even know she was coming," Ashley sighed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I would have definitely told you. If you don't want to do this, you don't have to. If you want, we could just stay in and cuddle."

"No," I shook my head. "It'll be nice to... hang out with your ex."

It turns out that they weren't really there. They were... waiting? I don't know. But they weren't inside; they were just standing outside talking. I excused myself for a cigarette before entering with them. I sat on the rocks behind the building. I never really smoke. Only on occasions when I'm... on edge.

"Those will kill you," Haley smiled, standing to the side of me. I looked up at her. "May I sit with you?"

"It's Ashley's, I figure you would know that considering that you spent over half your life with her," I exhaled the smoke. "Go ahead."

"Cheers," She smiled and sat down. I could tell from the corner of my eye that she was looking at me. I didn't really want to look at her, so I kept on with the smoking. "You don't like me."

I sighed. The ice was broken.

"No I just don't like the idea of you," I scratched my head. I had no real idea how the hell I was going to explain this to her. I finally looked at her. She was still smiling at me. "I guess I know why Ashley really loved you."

She quirked her eyebrow, "What?"

It sounded more like a 'wut?' than a 'what?'

"You're always smiling," I took a drag. She chuckled at that. "No one smiles the way you do anymore."

"Look Spencer," she looked down, playing with her hands and smiling up a storm. "Ashley and I would have never worked out. It's done. Over. Fineto. Done with. Whatever you want to call it. Perished."

I raised my eyebrow at her, "And how are you so sure?"

"With the same security that you posses when you realize that you're over an ex," she shrugged, still smiling as she played with the rocks in front of her. I sighed at that. She was right. Ashley's situation with her ex's were just about the same as mine, and I knew that she had nothing to worry about with me. "Besides, Ashley and I aren't right for each other."

"Why?"

"Because she belongs with you," she chuckled, still playing with the rocks. That made me smile. "Besides, that was the reason why we broke up in the first place."

"What really happened between you two?" I made a face, now looking at her. She looked surprised- like she didn't think I would really look at her or anything. "She won't tell me the truth."

"You're always wanting to get to the bottom of everything, aren't you Spencer?" She laughed, lightening the mood a bit. I shrugged at her. I couldn't deny it. It was an understatement, really. I even thought about dropping out of film school to get into being a private investigator. I'm not kidding. "I wonder why she didn't tell you though, it's nothing... horrible."

"What is it?"

"Like I said, we aren't right for each other. We want different things. It will never work between us," She shrugged sadly. I frowned. "She wanted that whole marriage and kids deal and I didn't. I would have done it for her; I mean we talked about it and everything. But she didn't want me to."

I made a face, "Why not?"

"Ashley is like... the most selfless human being, Spence. I thought you knew that already," she started creating a mountain of rocks, which somehow made sense to me. "She wasn't going to make me do anything I didn't want to, so she broke it off. But who knows if that's why it didn't work. Maybe she was just made for you. You never know."

I certainly hope that that's why it didn't work out.

I thought about it for a second. What she said… just made sense now. To me, it all added up to the reasons why Ashley was afraid of commitment with me. Not only the heart condition or anything like that, but the past. She was probably afraid that I was going to be another Haley to her. Or she might have been afraid that she came on too strong with Haley about kids or whatever and felt the need to take things slow (really fucking slow, might I add) so I wouldn't get scared and run.

She stood up, extending her hand so she could pull me up. "Everything clear, correct? Now how about we have a nice lunch?"

I sighed happily, grabbing her hand and let her lead me into the restaurant.

xxx

"Ashley tells me that you think I don't like you," Christine smiled at me once we all finished eating. We ended up staying for awhile, it was about five now. Lunch actually went really great. I didn't feel awkward at all, and Ashley held my hand threw the entire thing. Haley fit in easily, considering that she was there before I was. Haley and Ashley were out paying the check, so it just left Christine, Lana and I.

Christine took a sip of her beloved wine, "That actually kind of breaks my heart, Spencer."

I sighed and remembered to kill Ashley later. "I know you love me, Christine."

"Oh you better," she made a mad face at me. "You'll always be my favorite for my daughter, Spence. You have nothing to worry about with that. As long as you don't hurt her though. Hurt her, and I'll put you in a morgue."

"I got the hint Christine," I smiled, putting my elbows on the table. Lana smirked at me. "I won't hurt your Ashley."

"You shouldn't," Lana shook her head, sitting up. "She put my ex-boyfriend in a wheelchair once."

"Oh please Lana," Christine pulled that 'bitch please' face. "He was in crutches like a week after that."

"You broke his legs, Mom."

"Well that's what he gets for walking away from you."

Lana just rolled her eyes, smirking. "Unbelievable."

"You didn't do anything when I left Ashley," I sat up, sipping my lemonade.

"You were an exception, Spence. You had a reason to leave, a reason to walk away," Christine set down her wine to refill her glass. "Plus, I knew you two would get back together eventually."

"How so?"

"You two have it made," Lana chuckled.

I made a face, not knowing whether to smile or not.

"That's a great way to put it. But seriously Spencer, she's right. You two are practically meant to be," Christine brought her new glass of wine to her lips. She smiled across the table at me. "I see the way that my daughter looks at you, and I see the way that you look at her. I know that she hid everything for a good three years, but she just didn't want to lose the way you were looking at her."

I smiled happily at that, looking down. I could feel a blush coming on, but I'm sure that's just because I'm in love.

"And I know that my daughter can be a big ol' dumbass sometimes, but she's worth it. Trust me."

She definitely is.

Without a single doubt.

**AN: Boring, yes. I'm sorry about that. I thought I'd go with a drama free chapter today. This one is really just a filler, and an apology for bugging you guys with my Ashley and such (: I just think it's sweet how protective you guys are over Spencer.**

**I think I created some confusion over the way I worded Christine's speech in the other chapter, so this was to clarify how Christine stood on everything. Sorry about that. And I just threw Lana in there because I miss Effy. (Only a few of you- more likely only one of you- will understand that one)**

**You'll see Spencer get dignified soon.**

**And props to anyone who can recognize the incredibly obvious movie quotation.**

**As always, thank you for all the feedback.**

**-Shyla**


	6. Family

**AN: I'm glad that I'm not the only one missing Skins.**

**Thank you all for voicing your opinion on the whole kissing situation and such. I like reading and listening to how you all feel about how Spencer should have reacted and how things should have been and such. It's nice to hear (read) how you all think and such. By all means, I encourage it.**

**Spencer will get her… revenge? Be dignified.**

**I hope that wasn't a spoiler or anything.**

**Again, thank you for all the feedback.**

**xx**

We're on the Davies' private plane. We being Ashley, Christine, Lana, Kyla and of course, me. Ashley and I are basically getting dropped off in Ohio a few days earlier to spend some extra time with my family before the band arrives, since they are still on their way here on the bus. Christine, Lana and Kyla were already on their way to New York to visit Raife so it seemed to make sense that we just got with them.

"Here," I handed Ashley her Enalapril as we sat on the plane. She rolled her eyes and dry swallowed it, which always made me cringe. I made a face as she walked away. Lana chuckled from across of me, reading her magazine.

"I'm glad I don't have to do that shit every day," Lana turned the page. She looked at me, "You better get used to that, Spence."

"What do you mean?" I sat back and watched as Ashley listen to Kyla talking about ideas on how to plug the oil spill from afar.

"You're going to have to take care of her for the rest of your life," She yawned, which made me frown. Taking care of Ashley would be a pleasure. Well, not actually a pleasure, but I'd rather take care of her than anyone else. "It used to be worse though, so I think you're doing a pretty good job."

"What do you mean it used to be worse?"

"Ash used to have really bad panic attacks when she didn't take her Xanax or Prozac," She scratched her head. It amazes me how they talk about this like its no big deal. "She used to hyperventilate a lot. It was scary, honestly. She'd forget to take her medication a lot, so that just made everything even worse."

"Could her condition get worse?"

"Hopefully not," She gulped, looking over at Ashley. "You're doing a good job taking care of her though."

"What?" I made a face.

"I think you make her feel safe," She looked back over at me. "Like she's invincible or something. She stopped taking her anxiety pills when she met you, so she probably feels like you... protect her from it or something. You heal her without even doing anything at all."

I smiled at that. That's definitely something that I like to hear, especially now.

"But you don't have to worry about anything," Lana shook her head. "She's not going anywhere any time soon."

"Ohio," the pilot announced, "We're landing."

"Great."

xxxx

Ashley was nervous once she got off the plane. We're now in a cab driving over to my parents' house and she's shaking. Literally shaking. Another thing is that we decided to surprise my parents. Since this whole Ohio thing was a surprise to me, and we were busy with Ashley's family and such, I never had the time to actually call them and tell them we were coming and such.

So yes, Ashley is nervous.

"Paula doesn't like me," Ashley said as we got out of the cab. She surveyed my house. I looked back at it. It looked the same as I left it. It was an average sized house, coming from the kind of upper-class since my dad is a social worker and mom is a doctor. The only thing remotely different was that the garden looked better nourished. "What if she decides to lock me in the basement and kill me or something?"

"Ashley, I highly doubt that's going to happen."

"Well you get everything," She paid the driver. "Some goes to Christine though."

"What?"

"You're in my will," she shrugged, grabbing our two bags. We're not staying very long. I turned toward her, surprised and well... shocked. I never knew she actually put me in her will. She never even mentioned it to me or anything. "You get most of everything, but I put in there that you have to take care of Kiki."

"I'm really in your will?"

"Yeah," She smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I mean, you're practically my wife now and I need you taken care of if something ever happens to me. I'm not going to leave you high and dry. Plus my death possibility seems remotely high now days."

"Ashley." I warned. That comment did NOT settle any of my nerves.

"Kidding," She grabbed my arm lightly, pulling me to the door while she held our two bags. I sighed.

This should be exciting.

My mom's jaw dropped once she opened the door. I smiled shyly at her, not exactly knowing how to react. I don't even know how she's going to react.

"Oh my gosh, what are you two doing here?" Her face brightened into a smile, making me smile. I looked at Ashley for a second, seeing that she just looked confused, and back at my mom. She hurriedly pulled us into the house. "I can't believe you're here!"

She pulled me into a tight hug. This is definitely a great surprise. Last time she came to see me, it didn't go very well, but I'm sure you all remember how that trip went.

She pulled Ashley into a hug, which I could tell made Ashley confused because she stood frozen, not even hugging back.

"You two picked the perfect day to come over," My mom smiled, her eyes beaming. Ashley and I just stood side by side, equally confused. "Everyone is coming over today. The entire family."

Ashley's eyes widened at that. She wasn't really expecting to meet them... literally 1 hour after we got off the plane. I turned toward my mom, "What do you mean everyone's coming over?"

"Spence, it's Holly's birthday silly," she smiled. My face dropped. Holly; my 7 year old (now turning 8) year old cousin. I quite missed her, actually. I didn't really get her anything for her birthday though. Shit. "The party is here, so everyone will be here. They're supposed to be here... now, actually."

As ironic as this whole thing could get, the doorbell ringed from behind us.


	7. Favorite Carlins

I ran upstairs as quickly as I could once I heard that doorbell. Well, not exactly, but Spencer said that we would be in her old bedroom so I ran up to go find it. I wasn't exactly ready to meet her entire fucking family yet. I was still jet- lagged for Christ's sake. I didn't want to be meeting my in laws in a grumpy mood anyhow. First impressions are scarce. They're crucial to every relationship, no matter how small. You never forget that kind of thing. I'm not going to fuck that up.

But right now, we're in Spencer's old bedroom unpacking and silently arguing for a reason I can't decipher.

"Thanks for telling me that I was going to meet your entire family today Spencer," I rolled my eyes, taking off my hoodie. She made a shocked face while she did the same. "Could have at least warned me."

"I didn't know," She sat on the bed to untie her shoes. "I wouldn't have set you up like that. You can just stay up here and sleep if you want."

"No," I stood up, facing her. She looked up at me, her eyebrow arched. "Are you ready for this?"

She chuckled, straightening out my clothes. She'd make a good wife. No, the best wife. "Are _you_ ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll never be."

I leaned down to kiss her- just to feel her security and faith around me- but the door opened, which sent me flying across the room so whoever opened it couldn't see. I could see Spencer huffing and puffing in panic where she stood.

"Spencer!" The lady at the door ran in and gave Spencer, who now just looked completely overwhelmed, a big hug. Spencer hugged her back happily, while looking at me over the lady's shoulder. "I didn't think you'd be here!"

"Of course I'd be here," Spencer pulled back, scratching her head awkwardly. I could tell that she was probably trying to make up a story in her head. She always scratches her head amongst doing so. "I couldn't miss my little Holly's birthday."

"She's missed you," the lady smiled. She had a sweet smile. A genuine, kind smile. Arthur's smile. She looked at me. "This must be Ashley."

Spencer raised her eyebrow, "You know?"

"Well yeah Spence," the lady stood in front of me, still smiling her face off. I smiled at her, taking one of the hands from behind my back away. She looked back at Spencer for a brief second and started whispering, "I do read the tabloids and all, and might I add that you did a great job picking a looker!"

Spencer laughed, "Well you know me."

"Hi I'm Ashley," I finally spoke, sticking my hand out for a shake. She just looked at my hand like it was diseased.

She looked back up at me, "Honey, we don't shake hands here. At least, not with me."

She opened her arms up, still smiling, and wrapped me up in a hug. I was too shocked to say anything, so I just hugged her back. I didn't expect Spencer's family to be so... accepting.

"I'm Spencer's Aunt Amanda," she smiled at me when she pulled away, her hands holding my forearms so I wouldn't go anywhere. "I'm Arthur's sister. Holly's mom."

"It's lovely to meet you," I smiled. "Where is your daughter? I'd like to tell her happy birthday sometime today."

Amanda's face brightened. I smiled at that. "Oh well, she's downstairs. Why don't you go look for her? She has a crown and everything. I've got to talk to my niece here anyway."

I smiled, nodding. I looked back at Spencer to check if it was okay. She nodded, smiling at me, so I left. As I opened the door to leave, I could faintly hear Amanda telling Spencer about what good a pick I seemed to be.

That only made me want to live up to that.

I sighed once I was on the other side of the door. To say hello to this little girl, I would have to go downstairs into a whole floor full of Spencer's family. Plus, I'm sure that they already know who I am and aren't very too fond of me for 'influencing' their precious Spencer to a life of sin.

"Fuck it," I sighed, walking down the stairs and started praying to the random crosses on the walls that Glen, or somebody, was here.

I don't know how, but I ended up in the kitchen. Surprisingly, no one was there. Everyone was outside at the pool. Luckily, no one saw me come down- hell, no one saw me at all- so I just sighed, standing in the kitchen, alone, leaning on the refrigerator.

"Who are you?"

I looked down to where the voice came from. A little girl, about eight, stood in front of me with a crown and smile on her face.

I smiled, "You must be Holly."

"That's scary."

I made a face, "What is?"

"How you know my name and I have no idea who you are."

I smiled, I like this kid. I leaned down to her level, "Well you're the birthday girl. Everyone knows the birthday girl. Happy birthday, Holly. I'm Ashley."

She nodded, smiling at me. "Where's my present?"

I smiled, looking down at everything I had at the moment. I didn't have anything that appealing to an 8 year old. I looked down at my wrist, "Well I can give you this bracelet my sister gave me. It's 100% made out of recyclable material, so probably saved about 4 polar bears with this bad boy."

I took the weird tribal looking bracelet off my wrist and slid in on hers. She looked like it was the coolest thing on Earth, which made me happy because only 8 years old think like that nowadays.

I hope Kyla won't mind.

"I saw you on a magazine Mommy showed me," I looked up at her while she continued; "You were with Spencer."

"Well yeah," I nodded, "Spencer and I are very good friends."

"Mommy said you two are together. Like boyfriend and girlfriend together."

I gulped, "Well, what do you think about that, birthday girl?"

She shrugged, "Girls can love girls too. I love all my girlfriends!"

I chuckled, nodding. This kid is cute. "Oh, really? I'm sure they love you too."

"They do," she broke out into a smile. "They're all here. You can meet them if you want."

"I'll be looking forward to it," I smiled. Well, at least it won't be that awkward for me now. Or maybe even more awkward? Hanging out with a bunch of 8 year olds? Well, at least I got someone on my side.

"You know when I said girls can love girls too?" She asked, looking down at me.

"Mhm."

"Well, you need to promise me something, okay?"

I nodded, smiling. "Anything."

She stuck out her pinky, which I happily enlaced with mine.

"I get to be the flower girl at you and Spencer's wedding."

I laughed, "That's a guarantee."

A wedding with my two favorite Carlins.

Holly brought me out to the pool area after that. It was a bit awkward for me, because I got random stares at multiple people. Having this being a kid's party, I shouldn't be surprised that Holly's friend's parents' decided to show up, which made it even worse, but at the same time better because I know that I'm not the only one here without the surname. I ended up sitting in a corner on a lawn chair by the bar by myself, staring at the little kids having fun.

Creeper alert.

"You look like you're having fun," an old man sat down on the lawn chair next to me. He wasn't that old, about 70 or so. He looked happy going. He looked like an older version of Arthur. He stuck his hand out for me to shake. "I'm Arthur Senior."

"I'm Ashley," I shook his hand. Now I'm meeting Spencer's grandpa. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."

"I know who you are," He smiled at me, leaning back on his chair. I immediately tensed, force of habit, because this was Spencer's family and definitely something that I didn't want to fuck up with. "Don't worry; I'm not going to spray you with holy water or anything."

I nodded, relaxing a bit. "Does everyone know?"

He shrugged, "Pretty much, yes."

I looked down at my hands, "Are you okay with it, sir?"

He looked at me, not smiling anymore. "To be honest with you," I gulped. This sentence cannot end well. "I want what's best for my granddaughter."

I nodded, "I understand."

"I love her to bits and pieces," He cleared his throat, looking back at the children for a bit. "I want what's best for her, you know?"

"As do I."

He looked over at me, "You planning on marrying the girl?"

"I do," I nodded, looking down at my hands. I looked over at where the food was, to find Spencer and another lady (probably one of her Aunt's) talking. "I mean... If Spencer wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, yeah. If your son would give me the honor, then yes. I would marry her in a second."

"Well at least Spencer has found an old fashioned gentlemen uh, gal," He smiled at me. I chuckled. "But no."

I tensed again. I could feel my heartbeat going up. "Excuse me, sir?"

"No shotgun wedding for my granddaughter," He shook his head. "You're going to give her the best, right?"

"Everything I can give."

He nodded, looking over at his love. I could tell that that had to be his wife because of the way he looked at her. He looked... in awe. "That's my wife over there."

I looked over at where he was gesturing. There stood a woman looking just about his age, hugging Spencer.

"I spent 60 years of my life with her," He smiled proudly. "I met her when I was 10. I still love her just the same though."

I smiled. I wondered if Spencer and I would still be together when we were 70. If she could still stand to be around me. If I could stop fucking up by then. If I could really give her the best.

"How long have you known with Spencer?"

"4 years, sir."

"How long have you been in love with her?"

"4 years, sir."

He smiled, "Can you picture your life with her when you both are 70?"

I chuckled. I actually could. "Yes, I could."

His smile widened. "Well... get on with it. Tell me."

I laughed, "I don't know, really. I just know that... It'll feel so amazing just to be able to call her my wife."

He smiled. I sat there, thinking about it while staring at Spencer for a bit.

"I can picture myself waking up one morning and smiling once I see her lying next to me. I already do that now, but I like that she's got a ring on her finger now. Now I know. And then I'll kiss her cheek and go make her breakfast in bed. She'll eat while I read, and she'll watch the news. After that, our kids will come over and visit without us having to ask them to because Spencer will be such a good mom that they want to visit," I nodded, smiling slightly. That sounds right. "Then when they leave, she'll hug them a bit longer than most hugs and she'll tear up while she watched them drive away with pride. I'll tell her about how well she did with everything and we'll fall asleep together, still in awe and still in love."

I nodded, thinking about it. That was it. That was our future. That would make me happy. I could make her happy.

Grandpa Arthur nodded his head at me, smiling at me. He patted my shoulder, "You should stick around."

My smile brightened. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Hello," Spencer jumped in front of us, with Arthur Senior's wife. I looked over at Arthur Senior, who seemed to brighten up. I smiled at her, while she did the same to me. "Everything going well?"

"Everything is going perfect," Arthur Senior smiled. "Martha love, this is Spencer's love."

Spencer's grandma Martha smiled at me. "I've heard."

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am."

"Everyone sit down!" Arthur Senior smiled. "We can all talk about everything."

I chuckled. Arthur Senior is officially another one of my favorite Carlins. Spencer laughed as well, looking at me. I smiled back.

She looks beautiful today. She always does.

The lady that Spencer was previously talking to before came up, smiling at Spencer and Grandma Martha. Once she got close and saw me, she looked at Spencer.

"What the hell is she doing here?"

I sighed, while Arthur Senior sighed with me.

I knew something just had to fuck everything up.


	8. Uh oh

Things were going well. Things were going even great, actually. Definitely better than I expected, better than I had hoped for. No one reacted badly to Ashley and her presence, they more so just ignored her, which (if you're optimistic) is better than being dissed. Once we caught Holly, she said fond things about her and how she was going to be the flower girl. She wouldn't tell me which wedding this event would be at, but she did have a sly grin on her face. My grandma was overall happy for me, as I thought she would be considering how much I knew she loved me for me, not for who I loved. I wasn't so sure about my mother's side of the family though. My mom obviously took it rough, so I can only expect that her family would be the same way.

I sighed. _What the hell is she doing here?_

The mouth that these words venomously fell out from belonged to my mother's sister, Helena. The same Aunt Helena my mother compared my relationship secrets with _back in the day._

Not surprisingly, she does not approve of my new... lifestyle.

The 'lifestyle' I have had for about 10 years now.

"Aunt Helena," I made a face at her, while she glared at my girlfriend. I sighed. This is going to be a long day. I pulled her aside for a second. "Be nice."

"I'm not going to act polite in my own family name home, Spencer," she rolled her eyes at me. I sighed. Ashley was back to talking to my grandpa now, as well as my grandmother as well. It was... cute. "Anyway, would you mind answering the question?"

I crossed my arms. "She is here because she is my girlfriend, Aunty."

She sighed, now rolling her eyes. "Please. How long has that gig been going?"

"About 4 years now."

She rolled her eyes again. I knew that deep down, she was surprised. She jerked her head back at Ashley, "What, you plan on marrying this broad?"

"Yes, I do actually." I didn't miss a beat with my answer.

She laughed as if it was a joke. It wasn't, which is why I sighed, rolling my eyes once again at this mockery. Having been bashed many times before, I was almost used to this, but I have never come to expect it. Especially from my own flesh and blood.

"Marriage? Spencer, what would you know about marriage?" She made a face. "How the hell are you going to marry a rock star? How are you going to obtain the unobtainable?"

I was taken a back at that. At the words, and how true they were. At the questions, which I couldn't seem to collect the answers to. **Unobtainable.** Is Ashley really unobtainable? Am I in love with the most unobtainable person on Earth? Am I seriously planning on spending my life with a rock star, who decides to kiss random fans to 'rock their worlds'?

Maybe this is a fucking joke.

"I've kept her happy for 4 years," I collected myself, staring down at the floor. I didn't feel so high up anymore. "She obviously is obtainable. She's mine. No one is taking her away from me."

"You sure of that?" She asked, pointing over to the counter where an issue of People sat on the counter. I sighed, sitting at the counter and taking a look at the magazine. The front page cover picture was a picture of Ashley kissing that random blonde chick. It was a paparazzi photo, so I definitely know that they are completely aware of the situation at that time. They knew that the blonde was just a dumb fan with her friends, but the writers had to edit the picture out to make it seem like Ashley and the blonde actually had something going on. The editing of the picture made it look like they were just having a little kiss before getting into the van or something.

I sighed. This is bothering me more than I thought it would.

"So obtainable, right Spence?" Aunt Helena shook her head, staring off back at Ashley. I sighed. "She's just making you look like a fool, Spencer."

I made a face at that.

It added up.

She went back over to my grandparents and Ashley, as I followed suit- this time a bit less... bright.

"Hi-" Aunt Helena cut Ashley off.

"I know who you are, kid," She put her 'bitch please' hand up. Ashley stepped back, obviously shocked. She shoved her hands in her pockets as my grandpa sighed. "Believe me, everyone does."

"Helena," My grandpa warned.

"I'm just saying that I don't like to feel uncomfortable in somewhere that I can call home," Aunt Helena rolled her eyes as my grandma did the same. Probably for different reasons though. I sighed, looking over at Ashley. I didn't feel like talking to her directly at the moment. "You should know how that feels, right Spence?"

I sighed. "Right."

"Are you alright?" Ashley asked, looking me straight in the eye.

My eyebrows rose as I sucked in my lips, "Super."

I grabbed my Aunt Helena to get her away from Ashley, directing her over to my mom.

"Uh oh," My grandpa slapped Ashley on the shoulder from behind us. "What'd you do now?"

"Paula, I can't believe you let her in!" Aunt Helena made a face once she was in front of my mom. My mom just made a face as if she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about, looking at both of us.

"Who?"

"Her!" Aunt Helena pointed back at Ashley, whom seemed to be having a nice conversation with my grandparents. "Why'd you let her in here?"

"She is Spencer's girlfriend."

Aunt Helena rolled her eyes, "Oh, don't even start with that."

Paula shrugged, "I've accepted it."

I looked over at my mom, smiling.

At least there is something good coming out of today.

xxxx

I'm in my bedroom getting ready for bed. Technically, I'm sitting on my bed with my pajamas on, fresh out of the shower, brushing my hair. It almost seems hard to do this now. I've been thinking too much after what Aunt Helena said.

Is it really impossible to obtain the unobtainable? Ashley isn't unobtainable. I mean, she had reasons for keeping us a secret. She had reasons for everything. Why did she have to lie, though? Why did she have to keep everything a secret? How in the fucking hell is this going to work if she can't be honest with me? How am I going to be happy with these questions floating around in my head? How are we going to be happy together if I can't trust her anymore? Why the hell did she even want to kiss that other girl?

How the hell did we get to this place in our relationship?

"We need to talk," I looked down once Ashley came in, drying her hair with a towel. She sighed, looking at me and sat down on my computer chair.

"And I was starting to think that today went fairly well..." she put the towel around her shoulders, focusing on me now. She shrugged. "What's up?"

I sighed. Now or never. "Why did you want to kiss that girl?"

She made a face, "Come on, Spencer, we're back to that again?"

I made a face at that.

"I thought you were over that already," she looked down, scratching the back of her neck.

"No!" I made a face, looking at her. "Of course I'm not over it, Ashley. Would you be okay with me going out there and kissing whoever that came by that wanted to kiss me?"

She sighed, looking down. "No, I wouldn't be okay with that."

"Then why would you do that to me?" I shook my head. "Wait, so this is what our relationship has come to? We talk about shit once, and then after that, we never mention it again?"

"No! Of course not, Spencer," she shook her head, putting her elbows on her knees. She sighed.

"Then what, Ashley?"

"I'm sorry, okay?" She looked me in the eye again. I shook my head at her, tired of hearing that phrase by now. "I don't know why I did it. I just... I don't know why I do this, Spence... I don't. But, it'll never happen again. I promise."

I shook my head. I didn't like her reasoning. It didn't make sense at all. Not in her favor, that is. Nothing was in our favor, really. Only me.

"Do you have any idea about how you make me look?" I asked, looking up at her. She was pacing the room now.

She made a face, looking at me. "Is that the reason why you're bringing this up? Is how you look all you care about?"

I looked away. For the first time since I met Ashley, I literally couldn't look at her.

"Believe me Ashley, if all I cared about was how I look, then I wouldn't be with you," I shook my head, making a face. I literally can't believe she said that. "If all I cared about was how I look, then I wouldn't have been with you when we started 'dating', right? Because that just made me look pathetic as fuck. I wouldn't have even persuaded- I wouldn't have even thought about being with you, wouldn't have even thought about moving in with you. I would have just got up, and moved on."

I shook my head, making a face. "For the past 4 years, all you have made me look like is a pathetic and used little... fucking kid. If all I really cared about was how I came off as Ashley, believe me I wouldn't have stuck around. How dare you say that to me."

She shook her head, walking toward me with her hand out, "Spence, I'm sorr-"

"Good night, Ashley."

I finally turned away from her.


	9. My Own

**hugbuddy13:**** We all love happy endings (; you'll see.**

**imaferrari:**** I love how the first word was 'ew'. It made me laugh. And yes, Spencer is a strong woman that has regrown her backbone.**

**whatever12345:**** I love your screen name.**

**P.A.M4Life:**** Aha, sure. I miss The L Word. Well... Spencer is a nice soul. She likes to make everyone happy, but she wants to keep her self-respect intact. You'll see in the next chapters and such how she thinks and stuff.**

**xspashleyx:**** Thanks! I wasn't satisfied with how I wrote this, but I was like like, fuck it. But thanks (:**

**Elly1212:**** I'm sorry to hear that. In a way, Ashley is like my girl as well so I kinda know what it's like. But my Ashley isn't all that bad, and she's not gonna be an asshole forever. So maybe my Ashley and your girl will take same path as the story progresses? :) I didn't word that correctly, but I hope you get it.**

**mutt009:**** It did indeed.**

**I decided to respond to each review individually for once. Thank you all for reading.**

**Xxxxx**

I've been thinking. Honest to God really fucking thinking. Maybe I overreacted about everything, maybe I didn't word things correctly, and maybe I didn't keep everything in check like I was supposed to. Maybe turning away wasn't the best thing to do, maybe I should have listened to what Ashley had to say last night, and maybe I was wrong that time. Who's to judge?

The next morning, we had to go and do Ashley's meet and greet. Being the good girlfriend that I am, I was by her side every second. Well, not exactly. I just stood on the side while the band did their thing. I just stood on the side, alone, thinking about everything Ashley has ever said and about everything anyone else has ever said. First thing that came up, of course, was Ashley. Everything I thought about contained her, actually. I'm not sure how I think about that now. But I stood there, wondering how Ashley felt about me. I know she loves me- I know she needs me. Maybe not as much as I need her, but she does. I never found out, or really witnessed her without me. I did see the whole 'confession' incident, and I know about what Ashley has told me. That's all I really know. Maybe I'm looking too much into it, maybe not.

"You're Spencer, right?" I looked back at where this teenage girl, probably 15, walked up to me. I uncrossed my arms and raised my eyebrows at her. She took a step toward me. "Spencer Carlin? Ashley's girlfriend?"

"Yes and how do you even know-"I was cut off by her bear hug. I know that Ashley's bodyguard would have quickly gotten her off of me, but he was busy… protecting so I had to take care of this girl all by myself. I made a face, patting her on the back as I felt a weird smile tug on my lips.

"Oh my god, I love you so much!" Her smile was as wide as could be as she pulled me even closer to her. I chuckled, trying my best to hold her at arm's length.

"You do?" I laughed.

"Yes, I've always wanted to meet you!" She smiled at me and stuck her right hand out. "I'm sorry, I'm Carly."

"Hi Carly," I shook her hand, smirking. This was beyond odd.

"I run your fan site," Her smile widened once more. "I can't wait to blog about this! Oh my god, can we take a picture?"

"Fan site?" I asked, beyond confused.

"Of course! I run the 'Spashley~' live journal," She smiled again, now pulling out her iPad. She forced me to sit down with her in the Starbucks that was in the Borders the Meet and Greet was held at. I smiled as she showed me her site- well, mine and Ashley's site. A big SPASHLEY~ banner was held at the top. "I'm the originator, I run this site. Everyone loves you guys, seriously."

I smiled, browsing down at all the entries. There were pictures of Ashley and I everywhere. Some pictures that were personal- which I had no idea how they even got out to the world- and some were candid. Some were of us just walking down the street, and they had comments about how cute we were. We were quoted to be 'the next Ellen and Portia' and there were over a thousand people in the 'Spashley' community. I smiled through every single page.

I had no idea about this.

"There's a fuckyeahSpashley tumblr, but I don't know who runs it," Carly shrugged as she sat down across from me. "You and Ashley seem to have a big fan base out there."

"Really?" I made a face, still looking at the 'Spashley' live journal. "I haven't heard."

"Oh, totally. Everyone loves you two together. You too are so sweet together, so it's not hard to agree," she smiled and whipped her camera out, "So picture time?"

I smirked, "Sure."

Xcxcxxcxcxcxc

"I don't think I'll be going with you," I said, crossing my arms. We were out on my grandpa's farm, standing out in front of the house. Ashley and I were scheduled to leave soon, to go back on the road and such, but she didn't even say anything to me since last night. Not one word.

She turned back toward me, obviously surprised. She put her bag down. "What?"

"I think that I'm going to stay here," I sighed, looking around. I couldn't look at her again. "Stay with my family for a bit. You know, think and stuff."

"You mean spend some time apart?" She asked, now looking a bit pissed off. I just shrugged. She shook her head at me.

"Why are you so pissed about this?" I made a face, looking down at her as she kicked the dirt.

"Because I don't want to be apart," she looked back at me. I sighed, crossing my arms tighter around myself. "I don't want to spend time apart. I want to finish the tour with you, Spencer but now you don't want to. I can't object to that."

I shrugged. I honestly didn't know what to say.

She sighed, defeated. "I'm scared, okay?"

"Scared of what?"

She pointed over to the house, "These people obviously don't like me, Spencer."

"My grandparents love you," I made a face. "And why would the people make you scared?"

"It's just… fuck," she sighed, playing with the dirt again. "It's just that I love you, okay?"

"And?"

"And I don't want to lose you," she looked down at me. "I can't lose you."

"What does that have to do with being scared?"

"These people don't like me. They're your family, Spencer. Like… what if they convince you that I'm not good enough for you or something? Because they'll be right. I'm not," she shook her head. "I'm not good enough for you and they'll just make you realize it. I don't want that to happen again."

"So now you're doubting my feelings for you?" I asked, sighing as I looked up at her. She seemed a bit taken a back at that, her head even going back a bit. She looked offended, and really… hurt. Almost like she couldn't believe I said that.

She looked down, shaking her head. "Never mind then."

"Ash, what is this all about?" I unclasped my arms. "Can't you just talk to me? Tell me why you're scared?"

"I just told you," she made a face. "I know that I fucked up with the whole kiss thing, but I'm sorry. It's no reason for you to bail out on the tour."

"I just want to spend time with my family," I lied. "Is that so horrible?"

"No, it's not," she shook her head. She closed her eyes for a bit, breathing steadily. She opened her eyes back up, situating them on me. "You'll be okay then?"

"Yeah," I scratched my head. I expected that to be much worse. "I'll be fine. Will you be?"

"Probably not, but fuck it," she put her back pack on. I sighed at her answer, and took a mental note to message the band to take care of her for me. She stepped forward to give me a hug, wrapping her arms around my waist. I wrapped mine around her neck, holding her closely. She seemed like the perfume I bought her. Since yesterday, when we arrived here, she hadn't smoked in fear someone of my family would catch her and think less of her or something. Like there hadn't been pictures of her smoking out in the media already. She sighed once she pulled back, looking at me with her hands on my shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you too," I leaned up to kiss her. "Be safe."

She shook her head, walking away already. "Right."

I watched her walk away for a bit, mainly just to make sure that she didn't fall off a cliff, or collapse out of nowhere. Overall though, I just wanted to watch her. Make sure she was okay. Make sure she got to the car alright.

"Where has Ashley gone?" My granddad came into the kitchen, where I was now sitting. I was sitting on the counter looking at all of the 'Spashley' fan sites. Not to be conceded or anything, all I wanted to know was how people felt about us, considering all I knew about the media was that they hated us. He opened up the refrigerator. "I was looking forward to having her taste my famous lasagna."

I smiled. "She left, Pop."

"No kidding?" He frowned, but got out the ingredients anyway. Being the father of my father, he knows how to cook. Never anything frozen, everything is made from scratch. I smiled and nodded sadly. He sighed, "Well another time then. I reckon she's going to be around a lot now."

"Pardon?" I looked up at him, a bit surprised at his words.

"Well we've meet her, haven't we? She's a nice girl- a very charming girl. And if you're planning on spending the rest of your life with the girl, then I can imagine her being around a lot," he shrugged and began heating up some meat. "Forever is a long time, Spencer. You remember that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well the girl wants to spend her life with you," he laughed. "She can even image yawl's lives at 70."

I made a face. I had no knowledge of this. "What'd she say to you?"

"She said she pictured you both having kids and that'd she'd make you breakfast in bed every day and stuff like that," he smiled, looking down at the pan. "It was a cute story that she had planned out for you two."

I frowned. Maybe I was wrong to be so cold to Ashley. I looked at my watch; it wasn't too late to go to the hotel that the band was at.

"What're you both talking about?" Aunt Helena came in and sat next to me, eating some grapes. Since mom and dad were together ever since high school, both of my extended families are incredibly close, which is why Aunt Helena is here. "That girl?"

"She has a name, Helena," Granddad sighed again. "And she left."

"Thank god," she rolled her eyes. I sighed and rolled my eyes as well. This is going to be hard to get used to. "Why are you still here then, Spence?"

"I didn't go with her," I shrugged, scrolling down on my laptop. "Decided to stay with the family for awhile."

"That's good!" She smiled, popping another grape into her mouth. "It'll give you time to think. To get your priorities straight."

"Excuse me?"I looked up at her.

"Yeah, make you think about when you want to start moving out," she popped another grape into her mouth.

"Woah Aunty, we didn't break up or anything," I shook my head. I couldn't even imagine breaking up with Ashley. "I just didn't want to go back on tour, that's all."

"Oh, I know but still," she shrugged, looking at me. "You might want to move out soon. Hey, what're you looking at?"

She scooted the computer over to her viewing, making a face once she saw what site I was on. I was on a post of when Ashley and I went for a walk down the strip, just for fun. That was something that we did on the first weeks of knowing each other, so Ashley liked that we kept on doing so.

"Exactly! Why would she do this to you, Spencer?" Aunt Helena exclaimed. Granddad and I made a face.

Granddad looked over at the computer, "What's so wrong with that? Spencer looks quite happy."

"But why would she bring you out in public? Where everyone can see you! Doesn't she want anything in your life to be private anymore?" Aunt Helena shook her head, scrolling down some more. I looked at the pictures, sighing. That day was one of the best days of my life.

"I never thought of it that way I guess," I sighed, standing up. "I think I'm going to go see if I can go catch Ashley to join her on the bus and… settle things through."

"Oh, brilliant!" My granddad smiled at me with pride.

"No, Spencer!" Aunt Helena looked back at me as if I was crazy. My eyebrows immediately rose. "That's just what she wants."

"What?"

"When's the last time she came to you? When's the last time you had her approaching to join you?" Aunt Helena turned toward me. I made a face. I couldn't remember. "Seriously. You need to stop giving this girl the world when you're not getting anything in return."

"Ashley gives me everything I need and more," I made a face. I love Ashley. There is no doubt about that. "It's give and take."

"Oh yeah, and what has she given up?"

I opened my mouth at that. I didn't know what I could say to that.

"Again Spence, when was the last time she came to you?" Aunt Helena shook her head. Granddad shook his head and sighed. "Have her come to you for once! It'll only be fair."

I sighed and put my head down.

Maybe.


	10. Face Palm

**hugbuddy13:**** She does indeed.**

**KathleenDee:**** Indeed. Family is good though.**

**cathielove10:**** Aha, you could say that.**

**imaferrari:**** Aha, I have come to actually look forward to your reviews! Yeah, I understand what you're saying. I tried it as well; it never works out for your favor, aha. Direct communications IS the best way, but that'd be a bit boring wouldn't it? ;D And of course you're not that involved! I love it when people get this into a story (: And your AHA part made me laugh.**

**whatever12345:**** Lol, being okay is boring.**

**Elly1212:**** What woman? Carly? loljk. Well, I'm happy for you then! I hope all is and goes well. Thank you! :)**

**mutt009:**** Because Ashley is who she is (:**

**darkangeleyes23:**** Thank you!**

**xspashleyx:**** Well at least someone likes Helena.**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing.**

**I'm sorry if I'm starting to write differently in any way. I've been watching Skins (British TV) a lot lately, and people have told me that I've been talking differently ever since then, so if you notice any changes or anything, I'm sorry. **

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Aunt Helena was up and arguing by morning. Her words didn't stumble, and she didn't even miss a beat. She sounded as if she practiced, as if she rehearsed what she said, or had said it before. I have a feeling she had.

"Did that girl call you?" She asked once I got into the kitchen. I sighed. It was a way too early to argue. "I bet you she didn't."

I reached into my pocket, but then realized I had my pajamas on so I definitely don't have it. I didn't check it all last night or this morning either. After dinner, I just crashed out. Everything has been so exhausting lately, once my head hit the pillow, I passed out.

"I don't know," I sat at the counter and looked at the time. Ashley is supposed to be heading home by now. I have no idea when I will be though. "I didn't check my phone at all."

"That's good. Shows independence," Aunt Helena nodded, flipping a pancake. "Have her come to you."

"Ashley isn't really like that," I made a face, playing with the cup of juice set in front of me. "Ashley was always the kind of person to just... accept things as they are."

"And you're okay with that?"

I shrugged. I didn't think that far into it.

"Has she even rung you or anything?"

I sighed, shaking my head. I hadn't heard my phone go off at all. I shook my head.

"Exactly," she poured some more batter into the pan. "If she wanted you around, she would have called."

"Well she told me that she wanted to end the tour with me," I shrugged. That had to mean something. "She wanted me to come along... I just declined."

"Whatever," she said, walking out. I made a face, looking down at the burning pancakes. I was about to go take care of them, but Granddad came in and took over.

"Good morning love," He smiled, flipping the pancake. I smiled sadly. That's how Ashley greets me every morning. I sighed, I missed her already. I could barely sleep last night. I'm not sure if it was because of the unfamiliar bed, cold breezes, or the face that Ashley wasn't next to me. "How are you this morning?"

"Not go good Granddad," I sighed, shaking my head. "Aunt Helena seems to really hate Ashley."

He sighed, staring down at the pancakes. "Yeah... I guess people are who they are, eh?"

I nodded. I knew this all too well.

"You've just got to accept them as they offer themselves to you, ya know?" he smiled. "You've just gotta love them as they are."

"I love Ashley." There was no doubt in my mind about that.

"Of course. Everyone knows that," He shrugged. "I do not doubt that for a second, believe me. What're you two in a rut about anyway?"

"She kissed another girl."

He didn't look surprised. "Reason being?"

"Wanted to 'rock her world' apparently," I rolled my eyes. I hated that excuse. It wasn't good enough for me. Not at all. "Something like that."

He scratched his head, "What'd you do about that?"

I sighed, "Didn't do anything about it until now, actually."

"That's not good, love," he shook his head, looking back down at the pancakes. "Never let those kinds of things go."

"What do you mean?"

"If something bothers you, you've got to say something about it of course. Only a fool would let it go. All you've got at the moment is your words. Say something. Do something. Whatever," he sighed, shaking his head. "I kissed another girly once while I was with my grandmother."

"What'd she do about it?"

"Slapped me silly," his smile widened, now looking at me. I smiled shamelessly at that. "It was the only thing that I went to confession for. She slapped me, and went on and kissed my best friend! Then she went back up to me, and said 'well, how does that feel Arthur?' I'll tell you right now, it made me never want to kiss another girl again."

I made a face. I should have done that. If only I was as clever as my grandma.

"She still loves me though," he smiled, his features brightening. "I'm not going to do anything to fuck up with that woman there Spence, that's for sure. Something is going to have to take me away, or take her away."

I chuckled, "Aunt Helena for Ashley and I."

"Oh no," he shook his head, making a disgusted face. "Things only are as you make them. Well, that's not true at all times, but for now, it is. You and Ashley control your relationship. Nothing and no one else. You both determine what happens, and whether you two stay together. You both call the shots. No one else. Remember that, Spence."

"The world is at hand, Granddad," I frowned.

"So? You don't even know their names, so what does it matter really?" He shrugged, now making a plate of breakfast. I sighed. He had a point there. "I understand the worries about your Aunt Helena, but that's different, isn't it Spence? Plus, I saw you looking at you and Ashley's fan page thing. People love you two together."

"Aunt Helena doesn't seem to agree."

"Aunt Helena is stuck in time," he smiled, putting his hand on my shoulder. "She'll grow out of it. She's a lovely girl, really. And so is Ashley. She'll come to her senses soon… hopefully."

I smiled and nodded, hoping that everything he was saying was true.

"Anyways," He set the plate of food down in front of me. "Eat some breakfast and then start gathering your stuff. You've got a lovely girlfriend waiting for you at home."

Xccxcxcxc

The plane ride had trouble, so it was delayed for 2 hours, leaving me to just hang out in the airport for that time. I remembered then that I didn't check my phone all this time, so that was the first thing I whipped out as I waited. I checked my blackberry, expecting my blank front screen, but I got a surprise. I had 12 missed calls, 18 text messages, and six voicemails. All from Ashley.

Being 110% cruel, I smiled almost immediately. I didn't expect Ashley to even text me, let alone leave 6 voicemails. Out of pure curiosity, I checked my email to read that I had 5 unread. Again, all from Ashley with an exception of one being from my professor. I opened the first one she sent.

_I hate when you ignore me. Sorry, but I just had to put that out there. I know that you're upset with me and such, and I completely understand why you wouldn't want to finish the tour and such with me. I get that you want to spend time with your family and such, and I even encourage it. I know I can be an asshole sometimes, but I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this. Just give me a call to let me know you're alright, okay? I'm borderline thinking about jumping on a plane just to check up on you in Ohio. I love you. –Ashley_

Smiling, I dialed her number.

"Hello?" she picked up, sounding like she just woke up. I smiled at her voice. I missed it.

"It's me."

She seemed to sit up, "Hey… I was waiting for your call."

"Sorry, my phone was on silent."

She coughed, "Yeah, you Carlins and your damn party ways with phones on silent."

I sighed, smiling. "What're you doing?"

"Cuddling with Kiki. She missed you."

I heard Kiki meow in the background, making me bite my lip and smile at what was at home waiting for me.

"I miss her. So you got home alright?"

"Yeah. I think I'm just going to sleep for a week," she coughed again. I began to wonder if she was taking her medication as regularly as she should. "When are you coming home?"

"I don't know."

"You're going to stay there then?"

"I think so," I lied.

"Oh," she sighed. I could tell that she no longer wanted to talk to me. I could feel it in the way she said it. "Well, I'm going to go back to bed."

See.

"Alrighty. I love you."

"Love you too. Call me later or something," she hung up. I sighed, rolling my eyes. It's hard being with someone so stubborn.

I stood up once I heard the call for my flight. Looking down at my blackberry, initiating a text to Kyla about Ashley's medication habits, I bumped into someone who felt oddly familiar.

"Oops, I'm sorry," he apologized, leaning down and grabbing my backpack that I managed to drop for me. Once he looked back up, my jaw dropped.

Connor Lewis.

Connor Lewis; my first and only relationship with a man. He was my best friend until we broke up, which was about 2 years after we began dating. He told me that he couldn't handle just being friends with me, so it was either we were together or we were nothing. I chose nothing.

He looked different. He looked… older. More mature, definitely. His blonde hair was longer, making slight curls at the top. He always liked to keep it short, so it surprised me to see that. When I was with him, he was the typical jock with the varsity team jacket and the wife beaters and polos. Now, he wore a light blue button down with black slacks. He looked well cleaned up. He looked… good.

"Spencer?" He smiled, his perfectly straight and white teeth showing. I was still in such shook to see him that I didn't say anything. I didn't even do anything when he pulled me into a hug. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Yeah," I laughed as he pulled away. He held me at arm's length, still smiling from ear to ear. "It's been a while, Connor."

"It has," his smile faded a bit, but it was still there as he stared down at me. You know that odd feeling you get when you see someone you haven't seen for a while? I felt that. And that weird moment of silence you share when you two just… stare at each other? Or did that just happen with Connor and I?

"Well where you headed?" He smiled again, but it didn't reach from ear to ear.

"California," I smiled, looking down at my ticked.

"What for? Boyfriend?" He smirked.

I chuckled, "No, no boyfriend."

His eyebrows raised at that, making me chuckle again. I wasn't lying. I didn't have a boyfriend.

"That's just where home is," I smiled.

He nodded, still staring at me again. It was intense- his stare. It was like he was trying to read me. He shook his head out of it. "Well, give me your number. If you're ever back in Ohio, or if I'm ever in Cali, we should give each other a call."

"Sure," I gave him my number. He smiled the whole time he punched the numbers in, which I didn't know how to take as. He looked back up at me once he was finished.

"It was…" He smiled again and began to walk backwards. I did the same, walking backwards to where my flight was. "Really nice to see you, Spencer."

I nodded, turned back and smiled. "It was."

I got back to L.A around 7PM. Trying to be all romantic and surprising, I knocked on the door.

The person on the other side was the last person I wanted to see.


	11. Direct Communication

**slushhy:**** I want to! I have an idea and a whole story planned out for Skins, but I don't think people would like it :\ so I'm trying to think of something else to post on there. I have another idea for SON, but I just might switch it and make it with Naomily. Nothing is definite though, so we'll see. Any thoughts on what I should do?**

**cathielove10:**** Well, no fan likes any one of Ashley or Spencer's ex's. Aha.**

**hugbuddy13:**** You'll find out soon within a few sentences.**

**KathleenDee:**** Patience is a virtue.**

**imaferrari:**** Yeah, I get where you're coming from. That's a great rule you've got there; never invite an ex over when you're having problems with your current. It made me laugh, aha. Oh well. No conflict would bore you guys anyway. And I hope that you didn't throw anything by the end of this chapter...**

**simplet77:**** Thank you!**

**whatever12345:**** You'll find out now**

**Elly1212:**** Aha, oh my. Face palm me? How about face palm Helena? And aha, Connor and Spencer kissing. You'll just have to keep reading for that one.**

**xspashleyx:**** Oh my, hit? That's a bit much, don't you think? Aha. And yeah, Ashley seems to be upsetting everyone lately.**

**The chapter is dedicated to ****imaferrari**** for the many laughs and the chapter's name.**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing.**

**xxxxxxxx**

Haley fucking Rider.

I swear to God- or whoever the fuck you believe in- that 'Are you kidding me?' slipped out of my mouth once I saw her on the other side of that door. (Please excuse my language; I am beyond pissed right now). Plus, she's looking like the cute little Brit she is- looking all like Emma Watson and shit with her nice little scarf and cardigan. Dolled up with her cool black brimmed glasses and cute little leggings.

Seriously. Leggings are NOT pants, people.

"Spencer," Haley smiled at me. I didn't return it. "Why are you knocking?"

Okay, here's the thing. I completely understand that Haley is Ashley's ex. I get that they're over, dunzo, whatever. I get that. I understand that completely. But... they're exes. Haley is the only other person that Ashley pictured her life with. I don't know about you, but planning your life with someone is a pretty big deal. There had to be very definite feelings there. Feelings are feelings.

Love is always there.

At my silence, she sighed and stepped on the other side of the door. "And that is my queue to leave."

"Yeah," I didn't even look back before walking back into the flat, slamming the door behind me for good effect. Ashley was sitting on the couch, wearing her usual home attire; a white wife beater and lounge pants- looking up at me, obviously surprised. She stood up and started walking toward me. "What in the living hell was she doing here?"

She stopped walking and just looked at me for a bit. She kinked her head to the side. "Do you trust me?"

I was taken aback at that. I didn't know what to say, really. I did trust her, but not as much as I used too, I guess. With her kissing another girl, and her ex coming along right after... it adds up. And trust is misplaced in the mist of it all.

I shook my head, "Not anymore, no."

She sighed, putting her hands in her pockets and looking around the apartment. Walking over to the coat rack, she threw on her leather jacket.

I made a face, "Where are you going?"

"For a walk," she turned back to look at me. She didn't look so tired anymore. She looked... angry, actually. "Be sure to call the paparazzi for photos of my whereabouts, Spencer."

She used my name. Everyone knows that people always call you by your name when they're angry.

Isn't it my turn to be mad?

"So much for wanting to spend time with me, right?" I shook my head as she turned back at me, her making a face at me. I was beyond mad to even think of it in any way. "So much for wanting to work everything out, for being sorry."

"I am sorry, but I'm not sure I want to be anymore," she shrugged, still making a face. I made a face at that. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? She started walking to the door, "I'll see-"

"Why hello there my awful daughter," Christine walked in, smiling at the both of us. She didn't seem to be surprised at how angry Ashley looked, and at me, red faced with my arms crossed. She smiled, looking at the two of us. "You both are arguing so loud I could hear you from outside. Ashley, how dare you walk away!"

"Mom, Spencer and I can handle our own relationship," Ashley rolled her eyes as she tried to push her mother out of the flat. Christine was having none of it. She slapped Ashley on the arm (not seriously, of course) and stepped into the apartment, setting her purse down on the counter. Ashley rolled her eyes again. "Mom, could you please just leave?"

"Well, it seems like you almost beat me to it Ashes," She smiled at her daughter and dragged her over to the couch, forcing her to sit down. I didn't budge. Just sighed. She looked over at me, "Come on over, Spencer."

I sighed as I unwrapped my arms around from myself and walked over to the living room area the Davies' were in. I sat on my lazy boy.

"Now, what is this all about?" Christine sat down next to Ashley and crossed her legs, putting her enlaced fingers over them- looking like a psychologist she was trying to be. I sighed.

Christine Davies to the rescue, of course.

"It's nothing, Mom."

"Ashley kissed another girl and I don't know how to forgive her."

Ashley sighed at that, looking at her hands. Christine made a perfect shocked face and slapped Ashley upside the head.

That made me feel better.

"Ashley Berlin Davies! How dare you!" Christine went on as Ashley rubbed the back of her head. "My gosh, no wonder Spencer didn't want to finish the tour with you. She doesn't want to see you with other girls, dipnit. I thought I raised you better than that."

"You did, Mother," Ashley sighed and played with her fingertips. "I'm just stupid, that's all. I've been hiding it from Spencer."

I rolled my eyes at that.

"You've got nothing to worry about, okay?" Ashley looked up at me and made sure that she was holding my eyes with hers. I suddenly forgot Christine was even there. "Not with Haley or with any other girls. There are no other girls. No one else."

Christine was still in her own little world complaining about Ashley, "Just like your father, eh? Ugh. So stupid. Everyone is always going out looking for the right one, but never notice it when they're got it."

Christine pushed Ashley to be kneeling in front of me, "Ashley, say you're sorry."

Ashley sighed, looking down at the floor. She took my hand, looking me in the eye.

"I'm sorry I'm such an asshole and that I'm stupid. I really don't mean to be. I think my mother has something to do with it," she rolled her eyes while Christine did the same. "I promise to never kiss anyone else ever again, okay? You're the only one I want to kiss, Spence. And I'm sorry for kissing that girl. And... You've really got nothing to worry about with Haley. She's... Haley and just... no. Not anymore. You're the only one now. Only one for always, too."

That got a smile out of me.

"Here," she pulled me up and walked me over to the corner of the kitchen. I made a face, wondering what the hell was going on. She let go of my hand and opened up the cabinet on the bottom floor. She pulled out something and held it behind her back, sealing it away from me. She stood in front of me and held it up.

A bunny.

A smile immediately broke out on my face.

"This was the only reason Haley was here," she set the bunny in my arms. I was too in awe to say anything. I always wanted a bunny. "Nothing more."

I smiled up at her, while she smiled down at me.

"Awe, I love a happy ending!" Christine smiled and clapped at us, looking very happy with slight tears in her eyes.

Ashley shook her head laughing and kissed my forehead.

As do I.


	12. Never Catch A Break

**imaferarri:**** Aha, well I'm definitely glad you enjoyed everything! (Other than Ashley that is, but no one seems to be enjoying Ashley lately). Ashley is just very 'sucky' right now apparently. Anyways, no problem! I like when people get involved, and you've got another shout out in there. I hope you notice it, aha.**

**hugbuddy13:**** You'll find out!**

**KathleenDee:**** at least someone liked the chapter, haha**

**Elly1212:**** Yes, alive and everything.**

**Cheruth:**** I love reviews like this. Thanks for your input; I really love reading it all. But right, I get how that all came about. In my mind, Ashley just really isn't used to being the mature one in a relationship (I guess you could call that being a spoiled brat?) so I suppose she just doesn't know how to act and such. I would explain everything here, but that would lose the purpose of the whole cliffhanger and suspense thing. But I hope you like this chapter!**

**P.A.M4Life:**** Haha well… I'm not saying anything. You'll just have to keep reading.**

**whatever12345:**** Thanks! I really wanted her personality to be likable in this fic.**

**mutt009:**** Oh, no- I didn't mean to make it seemed open ending. Or did I? **

**slushhy:**** Aha, well thanks! I wrote a chapter for Skins last night, but I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet. So we'll just see how everything goes.**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Seriously, reviews and new mail are the best things to wake up to.**

**I hope you all like this one.**

**xxxxxx**

"I don't think Kiki likes Cheerio," I made a face as I laid on our bed while Kiki and Cheerio (the rabbit) held a staring contest in front of me. Ashley sat on the chair by the bed, wearing her glasses, reading a random magazine. I stroked Cheerio's white fur.

(AN: Cheerio is the bunny)

Ashley sipped on her tea from beside me, "We're not together anymore."

"What?"

"According to," she turned the magazine back to the front, "People magazine, we broke up two weeks ago and I have picked up a cocaine habit ever since."

"Impressive," I grinned as Kiki sped off the bed. I picked up Cheerio and held her to my chest. I love having a rabbit. "Do I have anything to worry about?"

"According to magazines, yes. According to me, no. You never have anything to worry about," she stood up and threw the magazine on the floor. She pulled me up. "Come on. I'm going to take you out."

"What?" I put Cheerio back on the bed.

She wrapped her arms around my waist, "I want to take you out. Come on, let's go."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to," she picked up Cheerio and set her down in my arms before wrapping her arms around my waist. "You deserve it."

"What about the paparazzi?"

"Spencer, I think I owe you more than forever with how much of an ass I am."

True that.

Xxxxx

It turns out that Ashley didn't really have anything planned. All she really wanted to do was take me out. I wasn't really surprised. Ashley is only romantic when she wants to be.

The paparazzi were out, just as I had imagined. They follow Ashley's every move, and as I have come to notice, they follow mine as well. It reminded me of Carly; now thinking of how the pictures the paparazzi were taking would end up on her site. I hadn't checked the site since I had left Ohio, so I should maybe email her or something.

"So you and Ashley are back together, eh Spence?" A paparazzo asked as I filled Ashley's Porsche's gas tank. Ashley went into the little convenience store so I was left alone with a bunch of photogs snapping pictures of me filling up Ashley's tank.

Seriously, what's so exciting about filling up a gas tank? Why would you feel the need to take 304 pictures of it?

I don't get it.

I made a face at him. I didn't like him calling me 'Spence'. "It's Spencer."

"Oh, feisty one. I bet Ashley likes it," he grinned at me and took another picture. I sighed. I didn't mind the paparazzi really. They're a bit weird and creepy, and definitely something that you have to work around, but it's bearable. If they're quiet, that is. They just get irritating when they make comments and shit like that. "Got a little too feisty for-"

"Back off, asshole," Ashley came back with her glasses on and her hands full of bags of random shit she bought at the store. I put the thing back into the gas thing and got back in the car. Ashley sighed as she pulled out of the gas station. "Was he bothering you?"

"A little bit," I shrugged as I looked through the bags. She got pretty much everything that I liked; lemon bars, powdered doughnuts, Doritos, brownies, carrot cake, pound cake, snickers, a few magazines, some gum, and some lip balm. Her stuff was the cigarettes, the Champagne, an apple, and Hugs.

"I'm sorry about that Spence," she frowned and stopped at a red light. She looked at me, "It won't get that bad."

"Eh I don't mind that much. Its fine," I shrugged. I didn't really see it as such a big deal, really. My Aunt Helena sure did though. "They still think we're broken up though."

She sighed and pulled over. I made a face at that, having no idea what was going on. She got out of the car, and walked to the other side. I looked around to see what the fuck was going on, but all I noticed was that there were photographers all over photographing anyone they could get their hands on (its L.A, so there are always celebrities around). Their attention was turned to Ashley once she started dragging me out of the car.

"Ash, what're you do-" Her kiss cut me off. I was too surprised to even respond. Here she was, with her hands holding my face in place, kissing me like she meant it with the paparazzi capturing the very moment. So I just closed my eyes and kissed back.

"I love you," she pulled away, looking into my eyes. She turned back to the paparazzi, who were still snapping away. "Gentlemen, this is my lady. She's around, as I am as well. She's not going anywhere, and neither am I. So you can stop making up all those lies because I'm not gonna leave her. I'm not. Now Spencer, are you planning on leaving me anytime soon?"

I grinned, "Never."

"So there you have it," she smiled at me before looking back at the stunned paparazzi. I'm sure their paychecks will be increased tonight. "Spashley is still together and going strong. There you have it, gentlemen. Thank you."

She pushed me into the restaurant her car was parked in front of before I could react. She had never done anything so... open before. The restaurant was one we had never been to before. It was fancy as hell, looking incredibly French and smelling like delicious pasta. It wasn't very crowded, considering you probably had to be of great importance to be able to eat here. It was dimly lighted, adding to the weird mysteriousness of the restaurant that already had its touch.

"Ms. Davies," a guy wearing a suit approached us with a big smile on his face. I could only assume he would be out waiter for the evening (more like afternoon) but the way we addressed Ashley by name threw me off. Ashley wrapped her arm around my waist, "Your table is ready."

He led us to the back, where there we separate and private rooms with sliding doors and everything. He took us into one, while I was just in awe at everything. Inside of the 'private room' looked beyond gorgeous. It wasn't anything special, but it was special to me. There was nothing but a little table inside and in the back corner had a leather couch. The table had rose peddles surrounding it, and had a little chandelier hanging above it. It looked beautiful.

Ashley pulled out my chair, which she hadn't done for years and it made me smile. The waiter handed us our menus and silently left.

"You did all this?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at Ashley, whom was obviously trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Well yeah," she shrugged, looking around the room. "Though, mind you that these rooms don't normally look like this. I added the couch and the roses and the little touches and such."

"For me?"

"Who else would I do this for babe?" She winked at me and opened up her menu. "I'm going to kill you if you get the cheapest thing on the menu."

I opened up my menu and my eyes widened at the sight. All I could really make out was the numbers, which all happened to be over $100. And I was only on the appetizers page.

"You never let me get anything cheap anyway."

"What my baby wants, my baby gets."

"Your baby wants to go home and eat Mac n' cheese."

"My baby deserves way more than that," she looked across the table and smiled at me.

Just like the first time, I smiled back.

Our waiter's name is Gustavo. He certainly looks like it as well. Italian, big, muscular with the slicked back hair and goatee to match it. He brought out our wine, which coasted $300- if you were wondering and was he politest boy you will ever meet.

"I just wanted to bring you here because I know that I've been an asshole lately. I'm sorry for it, so I'm just trying to prove that to you now," she looked down. I raised my eyebrows at her. We were halfway finished through with our pasta, and now she was coming out with this. "I haven't really tried to be romantic with you in a while, haven't tried to... sweep you off your feet lately and I'm sorry for that too."

I smirked, "You're doing pretty well."

"Oh yeah?" Her eyebrow rose cockily. "Hopefully this'll get me laid tonight then."

I knew better than to be offended. "We'll see about that."

"Christine wants to know when we're going to get married," she looked down, smiling slightly. I took a sip of my wine, just to honor Christine's name being brought up. "Seriously, love."

"Well, when are you planning on proposing?" I smirked. I didn't think that it mattered all that much, to be completely honest. I knew that I'm going to be with Ashley forever, that our forever was definitely something that was going to be a part of my future. That she was the one I would spend my life with. A piece of paper and a diamond don't seem to matter much when you've got your person. "I hope you know you're going to be the one to propose."

"Oh really now? Why?" She grinned at me.

"Because I want to see you down on one knee," I smirked.

She chuckled, taking a sip of her wine. "And I thought it was because you loved me."

"Oh, I do love you," I smiled. True statement. "I love you down on your knee as well."

"Whatever you say, babe."

"I changed my name suggestion."

"Pardon?" She made a face.

I sighed, "Ariadne."

She put her elbows on the table. I smiled. She does that when she's giving someone her full attention. "Ariadne, eh?"

"Ariadne," I nodded. I loved that name.

_Ariadne Davies._

"How many kids did you want to have anyway?" she smirked as she turned back to her pasta. "Going to pop out all these terrors just to fulfill your Greek names, babe?"

I made a face. Being the one obsessed with Greek mythology, I would think she'd like the name more so. "Who's Ariadne then, Ash?"

"The daughter of King Minos of Crete," she replied in that 'duh' voice. I smirked.

See.

"What do you mean me popping all those kids out?" I smirked at her. She smiled softly.

"I would definitely love to see you pregnant, Spencer."

"Really now?" I smiled.

"You'd look so beautiful," she looked down, but I could tell that she was blushing. I smiled softly as she kept her head down. "You always look beautiful."

"Are you still going to love me when I'm a raging hormonal bitch?"

She looked back up at me, smiling. "Yeah, love. I'll still love you when you're a raging hormonal bitch."

"Even when I'm waking you up at 3AM to go get me some taco bell and a melon?"

"Even then, babe."

"Even when I'm puking my guts out every morning?"

"Even then," she smiled. "There hasn't been one moment that I haven't loved you since I met you, Spencer. And there won't be any moments in the future either."

I couldn't help but smile at that.

I love my girlfriend.

We got home late. Not late late, but about 10PM. We got to talking for awhile, so we just stayed at the restaurant until closing. It was amazing for me, for us. I hadn't talked to Ashley like that in so long it was frightening. So frightening that it just made me so happy that I got to do it again.

Best day so far on the _sucking up campaign._

"Your mom is on the phone," Ashley handed the phone to me, which I happily put to my ear. Nothing can stop me tonight.

Unfortunately, my mother's tearful words did.


	13. Dignified?

**hugbuddy13:**** I'm glad you liked it!**

**slushy:**** Aha, I'm so predictable. And right, I don't really know what to do about Skins yet. I'm rewatching all the episodes, so I've been getting a lot of inspiration lately, aha.**

**Palexobsessed:**** You'll find out!**

**imaferrari:**** Lol, I'm glad that my Ashley **_**finally**_** isn't so bad! I wanted to give her a break for once, ha. And yeah, I know exactly what you mean. That was very nicely put. I'll make sure I keep that in mind while I write, and well… you know, in life. **

**Elly1212:**** The convo was based on a real convo I had with my girl (: I'm happy it reminded you though!**

**KathleenDee:**** Lol, yeah. I was hoping no one would notice that. I was originally going to edit it out since I honestly have no idea what the hell that thing is called.**

**mutt009:**** You get to find out!**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Let me know how you think about this chapter, I'd really like to know, hah.**

**And this fic is ending soon. It has about… 5 chapters left. I'm thinking about making a sequel to this and making it a trilogy, but I'm not sure. Depends on what you guys think, so let me know.**

**I hope you like this chap, though you probably won't.**

**-Shyla**

**xxxxxxx**

Grandma Martha passed away.

She had a heart attack and my Grandpa Arthur didn't get to her in time. My mom cried over the phone, said that I had to get over to Ohio immediately for family time. I had that right from the call, so I wasn't surprised at all at her words. Ashley begged, even pleaded with me to come with me back to Ohio; kept on claiming she needed to be there for me, and held me right when I got off the phone. I didn't have much to say to her, though she didn't do anything wrong at all. It wasn't her, not at all. I just had to be with my family.

That's all there is to it, really.

I basically just ignored her when I packed my bags. She drove me to the airport though, which made me happy and held my hand and asked me questions through the entire car ride. I was too... in denial? To say anything. I couldn't believe it much.

A part of me can't be gone.

"Spencer, please let me come with you," Ashley grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward her. I landed in her arms, which seemed like the best and worst place to be right now. She ran her fingers through my hair and looked down at me. "I'm not going to let you go through this alone, babe. Let me go with you. I can be there for you."

As much as I really hate to say it, I think that Ashley going to Ohio will only make things worse. As much as I love her, it's true.

"No, I think... I think I should do this on my own," I nodded, stepping back and looking up at her.

I had to.

She nodded, looking down and kicking the rocks near her feet. "Okay," she looked back up at me, "Well I just want you to know that I love you... and I'll be here for you when you get back."

I nodded and hugged her again, secretly trying to memorize the feeling.

I could only image that that would be the only thing keeping me sane for the next couple of days.

xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxc

The plane ride was lonely. I didn't cry, I didn't whimper; all I did was think. I thought about everything all over again. I seem to think a lot more ever since I met Ashley, but that's always a good thing I would think so. Mostly I wondered how my granddad was, and how he was holding up. He was probably up and joking around my now, knowing him. If there is one thing that I really know about him, it's that he loved my grandma so much. In fact, he loves her more than anything in the world. They've got the kind of love that you can just see once you look at them. You can see it in the way they look at each other. In the way they speak without having to use words at all. In the way the air feels when they're together. The air feels better with their love in it.

Then I wondered if Ashley and I had that kind of love. I'm aware that everyone has doubts with their relationships, (maybe not everyone, but most people) but I wasn't really one to. Connor and Ashley are my only real, 'I could spend the rest of my life with you' serious relationships. Ashley will, hopefully, be my last and Connor was my first. I had doubts about Connor, mostly because I wasn't feeling it through the relationship, but you're always lucky when you find someone that really fucking loves you. You don't just… let that kind of thing go. Well, I did. It might have been a mistake, but I'm sure that I don't want to know. In a way, I think that Ashley and I would have found each other no matter what. It that what 'meant to be' means? When you think that way? Does that make our love capable of thinning air? With Connor, there were no real complications. My family loved him, and his family loved me. It made sense. It was simple. It was nice even, while it lasted. But after awhile, how I am got in the way and it was done. That's our story, and it'll remain that way. Ashley and I's story is a bit different, but I think I like it more. Who Ashley was got in the way after awhile, which makes me frown now that you think about it. I understand every concern she had about it all, but I don't want to, really. I don't want to understand it. From the beginning, I knew things with her were going to be serious. Even though we weren't together, I knew that it wouldn't be long before things would become how they are now. I think that that's why I stayed. Hope for her. But now things are really serious. Baby names and marriage plans serious. Things weren't exactly like that with Connor. But… I think I like it.

I love it.

My mom's tearful face was the first thing I saw once I walked into my childhood home. She pulled me in a hug, and cried while I patted her back awkwardly. My mom didn't cry much when Glen, Clay and I were younger. She was always the strong one for us, which makes her the great mom I hold her as today. Seeing her in this light was different. It made her... human? Grandma Martha wasn't even her blood- wasn't her mother. Grandma Martha was her mother in law, related by paper and vows. No blood, but now there are tears.

"Oh Spencer," my mom pulled back so my dad could hug me. I have never seen my father cry before, so it wasn't surprising when I saw his downwards expression. No tears, but the sadness was there. It brought me down. My dad held me close, and I could tell he closed his eyes.

He was feeling it. The feeling you get after someone dies. That feeling that you need to love everyone you have now.

"It'll be alright," Dad pulled back and smiled at me. He patted me on the shoulder, "Go say hi to your Grandpa. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

I nodded, walking into the living room. I forgot all about Grandpa Arthur. What he must be feeling.

"Hey Grandpa," I wrapped my arms around him once I saw him. It was a heartbreaking sight, really. He was sitting in the middle cushion of my parent's couch, staring at the fire place in front of him. He turned to me, surprised and smiled at me.

"Ah Spencer," he rubbed my arms a bit. He seemed happy to see me, which made me a bit happy. He looked around for a second. "Where's... the wife?"

The hesitation he had broke my heart.

"Ashley is at home Pop," I frowned, wishing she were here already. "I told her to stay."

He made a face, "I'm going to need her though."

I made a face, "What?"

"I'm going to need her!" He grinned, but it wasn't the same. His grin looked real a few days ago. Now, it... doesn't. "Who's going to help me get through this, eh Spence?"

I smiled at him. Of course, my granddad would be the one to be joking right now. "You've got all of us."

He smiled and looked down at his hands, lacing his fingers together silently. I sighed. Today is going to be a very long day.

xxxx

Granddad seemed fine for the rest of the day, surprisingly. He just stayed in and talked to my dad and such, and they even shared a laugh. I knew that I shouldn't really have been surprised. Granddad has always been one to get over things quickly, but love is something different. You can't just get over love.

My mom decided to invite everyone over for the occasion. Granddad wanted to be alone for a bit, so he went to his room to sleep while everyone came over and talked. I didn't know that she invited all of my old friends though.

"Hey Spence," my best friend since I was 3, Debbie came up to me and pulled me into a hug. I smiled as I hugged back. I hadn't seen her in so long. She rubbed my back for a bit. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled at her and held her at arm's length. She smiled and just looked at me for a bit. I know that that would normally be a bit creepy, but it's... nice. It's that moment you just stare at each other because you haven't seen each other for a long time. It's the trying to reconnect feeling. It's nice, for once. "I'm good."

She turned around to find Connor behind her. I shouldn't be surprised that he's here; he was part of my life for awhile, and he was my family's favorite. I smiled as he pulled me into a hug once he saw me.

Same old Connor.

"I can't believe this happened," He sighed as he hugged me. Connor is into long hugs, so I'm not surprised he hasn't let go yet. I just sighed into his chest. I can't either. "I just saw you too."

He pulled away and held me at arm's length. "I'm here, okay? If there's anything that you need, I'm here Spence."

My name sounded different coming out of his mouth.

"Thanks Connor," I smiled and hugged him again before leaving out to the porch, where my Aunt Helena and Mom now stood. I sighed.

Goodie.

"Spencer," Aunt Helena wrapped me in a hug once she saw me. I smiled, not really expecting such a greeting, and patted her on the back as I hugged her. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Thanks," I smiled and sat next to my mom, to which she rubbed my back. "Where's Ashley, Spence?"

"She stayed," I nodded, scratching my head. I didn't exactly want to have this conversation in front of Aunt Helena. "I told her to stay."

"Finally came to your senses then," Aunt Helena rolled her eyes. I sighed, looking straight at her. "I hope you told me to pack her bags too."

"Ashley pays for all my bills," I chuckled, not wanting to really know the reality of it all. "I can't kick her out of her own place."

Aunt Helena rolled her eyes and turned to my mother, "I can't believe you're okay with is."

"Well, I wasn't Helena," My mom sighed and scratched her head. "It took some getting used to."

"And you're okay with it?" I smiled.

"Well of course," my mom shrugged, looking at me. Aunt Helena rolled her eyes, which pissed me off a bit. "I just had to understand that this is you. Spencer. And you're being true to yourself and being true to yourself includes loving Ashley. I understand that now and now isn't the time to really be negative about everything, is it?"

"No, no it isn't." I loved what my mom just said and I obviously didn't want anyone to come ruin it.

"I may not agree with everything your relationship consists of," my mom smiled at me. "But I'm okay with it."

I smiled right back.

"Like what?" Aunt Helena pepped her head up. I sighed. "What don't you agree with?"

"Well the first three years of the relationship," my mom made a face. "That was a bit difficult to understand."

"What was so bad about then?"

"Oh no-"I made a face. I didn't need Aunt Helena to know about anything else to diss Ashley over. She already had a whole campaign against her, so this information wouldn't do Ashley any good.

"Ashley didn't recognize Spencer as her lover for the first three years of their relationship."

I sighed. This cannot end well.

"What? Are you kidding me? And Spence, THIS is who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone that doesn't even honor your existence?" Aunt Helena made a face as she used hand gestures to intensify her words. I sighed again. This one is going to be hard to get out of. "The person you want to raise your children with? The person you want to stay with?"

"Ashley honors my existence," I shrugged. "She loves me."

"Oh and you know that, do you?" Aunt Helena raised her eyebrow. I made a face.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

"Connor," my Aunt stood up as well as my mom and took him into her arms as he walked out onto the porch. "The boy that was actually right for my niece."

I didn't like that comment.

"We'll leave you two alone for a bit," My Aunt Helena pushed my mom and her out and shut the door behind her, leaving no one but Connor and I. I sighed and shoved my hands into Ashley's hoodie's pockets. He sat down in front of me. "Well it's nice to know that she hasn't changed."

I looked back over at the door. There was no point in it, considering the doors and walls are plain brown. "Never will."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Spence." He frowned, looking me in the eye. "It's a shitty excuse for a reunion, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I smiled fakely and stood up. I didn't feel comfortable on the porch anymore. "Come on. I need a drink."

One drink led to five, as awful as that sounds. To be drunk when your grandma just passed away. It was nice though, in all honesty. It was nice to not think for a change. But the next thing I knew was that Connor and I were lying side by side in my bed, staring up at my bedroom's ceiling in our drunken haze.

"Ay Spence I never asked you," he patted his chest as I counted how many times the ceiling fan went around in circles. I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"What?"

"Why'd you move to L.A?" he chuckled, feeling his chest oddly. "I thought you loved Ohio."

"Haha," I don't know why, but I thought that was funny. "I do love Ohio. It's just… home is in L.A."

Home is wherever Ashley resides.

"Ohhh," he nodded oddly, taking another sip of his jack and coke. He passed it over to me and I took another sip, loving the burning in my throat. "You think we would have made it?"

He's starting to slur again.

"What?" I could hear the slur in mine.

"As a couple," He looked up at me, to which his chin was just about on my shoulder. I looked down, "Do you think we would have made it?"

I shrugged, looking at him. He smiled lazily. "I don't know. What do you think?"

"Of course," he smiled and leaned up to kiss my cheek. His lips touched the corner of my mouth, but the J.D didn't let me acknowledge it. "I would have married you, you know."

"Really?" I looked into his eyes for a bit. They looked the same as they did the two years we spent together. He nodded, smiling sadly. I leaned down.

The next thing I know Connor was on top of me, sucking on my neck before putting his lips back on mine.


	14. Back

**Uhm, I'm not sure if anyone is still interested in this, but hopefully you guys are. I'm sorry for not updating as much. I had writer's block and I changed the plan on how I would take this story.**

**All I thought when I wrote the previous chapter was how you can lose your head when things get bad, and that alcohol, vulnerability and doubt are very powerful things- Especially when they collide. If you want a more in depth explanation, then just message me or something. You guys just seem very… angry with how things turned out.**

**This fic only has about 2 chapters left, but I have a sequel in mind.**

**This is a kind of uneventful chapter, but I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thank you. xxxx**

Today is Grandma's funeral.

Apparently, Zombie has been my middle name because that's all Glen and Clay seem to be calling me. I can't blame them, considering it's been 2 days since I stopped functioning all together. Two days since Connor happened. We didn't do anything, just made out for a bit, but enough for it to hurt. Connor, of course, wanted to take things further, but I stopped him and left him in the room. He's been calling nonstop since then. So has Ashley, but I only answer Ashley's calls even though I am completely aware that I no longer deserve them. How could I deserve them? Especially now. I'm not sure I ever did.

She keeps calling to make sure that I'm alright. She's always asking me if I want her to fly down here to be with me. Of course, I decline- but not because I don't want her here (I want her here more than anything), but because I simply cannot do that. Despite how much I want her here, I can't ask her to be here, even though she is the one asking. I haven't told her about Connor, but I will. How could I not? But I don't deserve her here and that's the point. That's why she cannot come here.

I don't deserve any of it.

"You okay?" Glen sat down next to me. We're at church and I'm sitting in the back in the last pew watching people say their goodbyes to Grandma. Glen set his hand on my shoulder, looking at the casket. He was never really close to her, neither was I, really. But we always get close enough to hurt.

"Of course."

"I hate funerals," He looked down at his hands, making a face. I smiled at that. Funerals always make Glen weird. He never knows how to act during one, so he acts strange. "They creep me out."

I chuckled, "Right."

"You must be a bit happy though," he scratched his head. I just made a face. "I wish that my girlfriend could just fly anywhere whenever she wanted."

"Glen, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Ashley," he made a face at me. I was just beyond confused by now. "I know you two aren't on the best terms right now, but you've got to be at least a bit happy that she is here, Spence."

I could feel the realization sit in with my heart. "What?"

"Ashley is here, Spencer. How could you not know?" He made a face. He looked back to the front of the church. "I would kill if my girlfriend did that to me."

Oh fuck.

I got up and started frisking out of the church, just to come into contact with the one person I didn't want to see.

Connor.

"Spencer, I've been looking all over for you!" He held me at arm's length and I didn't like how his skin felt against mine. It felt rough. It felt dirty. I shrugged him off in attempt to keep walking, but he stayed put. "I've been calling you."

"Connor, I can't deal with this right now," I tried to push past him, but he didn't even budge.

"Why haven't you been calling me back?"

I sighed, "Because I am in love with my girlfriend."

With that, I walked away to go find that girlfriend.

She looked like hell in the most beautiful of forms. Her hair looked darker than usual, but it was as silky as ever as it stayed put in its messy tail. I could tell that her eyes were tired, but she wore her glasses in attempt to cover them. She was dressed in black; black blouse with black slacks. She just looked perfect, basically.

I took a step forward and before I knew it, she was in front of me.

"I'm sorry," she held up her hand. I could feel my heart break at that. With all I did, she was the one saying she was sorry. I shook head with my eyes shut, looking down at the floor as I wrapped my arms around myself. I could feel the tears coming on. "I know that you don't want me to be here, but I had to see you."

First tear.

She looked down, "I'm afraid to touch you."

I couldn't say anything. I was too scared. I couldn't open my mouth to say something because I was too afraid I would start sobbing. Instead, I just walked into her arms and let her hold me for a bit- as aware as I was that I didn't deserve it.

"Speak of the devil," Granddad walked out smirking, as usual. I wiped my tears away before he could see, stepping out of Ashley's arms. I smiled at him.

"Hello Mr. Carlin," Ashley smiled as Granddad gave her a bear hug. He kissed her on the head while holding her and it almost broke my heart. "It's nice to see you again."

"Ashley, you need to stop calling me that." He held Ashley at arm's length and stood there for a bit. I sighed. This was becoming was becoming way too much. Granddad was just holding Ashley there and staring at her with that look on his face. With that smile. And Ashley just stared back.

I just might lose her.

"You can call me Arthur. Or maybe even," he winked at me, making me smile. "Granddad?"

Ashley nodded, laughing. "Okay Mr. Carlin."

"Ashley, what did I just say?"

"Okay Granddad," she smiled. "I'm sorry for coming uninvited-"

"Uninvited? 'Uninvited?' What is that nonsense?" He smiled at us. I could feel Ashley's eyes lightening. "Davies', you're family nw. You're always invited."

I could feel my eyes start to tear up again.

"Thank you," Ashley nodded sincerely, looking into Granddad's eyes and held his steady hands. "That really means a lot to me."

"Let's just keep it that way," he smiled and kissed Ashley's cheek then moved onto my forehead. "I'll leave you two alone."

We both watched as Granddad walked back into the church. A tear ran down, but I didn't care enough to brush it away. Ashley did though. She held the side of my face with her hand, staring down at me. I leaned into it, grateful for the comfort but knowing I didn't deserve it. That fact seemed to be dawning quickly lately.

"Ashley, I need to tell you-" I stood straight back to up to be cut off by the one and only, Connor.

"Spencer, what the hell?" He came up to me and made a face, obviously wanting an explanation. I could feel the anxiety kicking in quick now as my eyes darted from one to another. "Would you like to explain to me everything that's happening?"

"Just go," I shook my head at him, hoping that that would get him to leave me alone. Of course, he didn't. Instead, he put his hand on my arm and I could tell that that threw Ashley off because I could see her make a face.

"Hey," Ashley's voice was louder than necessary. "I'm Ashley."

He turned toward her, pulling his arm off of me. I wrapped my arms around myself, in my own little way to protect myself. "And who would you be?"

She made a face, tilting her head to the side. "Her wife."

He made a face at that, "What-"

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Aunt Helena marched up to us and put her hands on her hips. I swear, I almost rolled my eyes. _Here we go again._ Ashley sighed once she noticed Aunt Helena while Connor's mother called him over so he walked away. Thank God.

"Do you really think we needed this right now? What in God's name were you thinking coming down here?" Aunt Helena pointed her finger in Ashley's face. My eyes immediately widened. That's the thing that pisses Ashley off more than anything. "We did not need this at a time like this!"

"Need what, exactly?" Ashley bit her lip. I could tell that she was trying to keep her cool.

"This!" Aunt Helena pointed over to the gate where a few photographers were snapping away. Ashley sighed, a solemn expression on her face. I knew that Ashley thought she was safe here, which was probably why she just showed up. Of course, she never wanted anyone to follow her. But they did anyway. "No one wants to be photographed at a goddmaned funeral!"

"Ms. Carlin, I didn't know that-"

"No, what could you possibly say?" She shook her head in disgust at Ashley. Ashley just sighed. "What could you possibly say that will make this all better?"

"Helena, I apo-"

"Get out," Aunt Helena shook her head. "Leave."

"Aunt Helena, Stop it-" I got cut off.

"No, Spencer. I get it," Ashley frowned, looking down at me. I could feel my eyes watering up again. This is too much for one week. She looked over at Helena. "Could you leave us along for a minute please?"

"Will you leave?"

"After I say my goodbyes, yes."

"Your goodbyes?" Helena almost laughed. I, for once, was appalled. "You don't even know her."

"With all due respect, Helena, I have met her. And even if I hadn't known her that well, I still have the greatest deal of respect for her. So if it's okay with Mr. Carlin, I would like to pay my respects, Helena."

"It's not okay with me."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it's not up to you-" Ashley was cut off my Aunt Helena's hand slapping her in the face. My eyes immediately widened as did Ashley's, whom grabbed a hold on Aunt Helena's arm. Ashley looked shocked more than anything.

"Aunt Helena!" I got in between them, pushing them apart just in case Helena wanted to cause some more damage. Ashley knows better than to hit someone. Ashley just looked shocked, while Helena looked pissed more than anything. "How the hell could you do that?"

"How the hell cold she speak to me like that?" Aunt Helena was shouting by now and I could feel all the eyes that were on us. Tears were welling their way up to my eyes now, but I knew that they didn't really matter. Aunt Helena took a step forward, still trying to get to Ashley. I held her back.

"Helena!" My dad came over and held Helena back. Now it was sure that everyone was just staring at us. It got all quiet and you could even feel the tension. "What in God's name is wrong with you?"

"Oh, don't you talk to me like that Arthur!" She pushed his hands off of her. I stepped back in front of Ashley, ready to protect her if needed. "Arthur, do you seriously want this hard time documented right now? Documented for the whole world to see?"

"Helena, just stop," He sighed and looked over at Ashley and I. "What's going on here?"

"She doesn't belong here," Helena stepped forward, looking straight at Ashley. Ashley almost rolled her eyes, but I could tell she stopped herself. "Arthur, you know she-"

"I'll leave," Ashley cut her off. "I'll leave. I just want to pay my respects. I don't want to make anything worse than it already is."

"Then why'd you come in the first place?" Aunt Helena chuckled sarcastically. "Spencer already has Connor. She doesn't need you. She's got a man now."

Ashley made a face at that. My eyes widened as I felt my heart skip beats (and not in a good way either). I looked over at Ashley, expecting screams but didn't get such thing. She just looked over at me, frowning. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but it definitely wasn't good.

"Helena, I need to speak with you," My dad roughly pulled my Aunt away from us. Everyone pretended that they weren't watching the entire thing, but I'm not stupid. I was just beyond livid by now.

"I don't think I belong here Spence," Ashley shoved her hands into her pockets, looking down at me. I sighed.

"You belong with me though."

She smiled at that, making me smile. I could see tears in her eyes and it broke my heart all over again. "I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, Ash." I could hear my voice begin to crack.

"You better get inside. The ceremony is about to start," she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug. "I'll be waiting in L.A. We can… talk there."

"You're not staying?" I held her closer to me. I hadn't had Ashley in so long. It didn't seem to matter anymore that I didn't deserve her. All that mattered was that I had her.

"No, I'm doing more bad than good, Spencer," she sighed as she looked over at the photogs, who were snapping away at us. She kissed me on the forehead. "Call me after to let me know if you're okay."

"Okay," I kissed her. I didn't care about the paparazzi anymore. It didn't matter that pretty much my entire family was just staring at us. Nothing mattered anymore. Just Ashley.

Xxx

I think she could tell how serious (and most definitely furious) I was just by taking a glace. I'm sure anyone could. I could feel the sides of my face getting hot and I could only imagine how red my face was. "Aunt Helena," I grabbed her arm. "I need to talk to you. Alone."

I pulled her away before she could resist. I think that that made everything clear because she stopped resisting just then. She just followed as I lead her into an empty hell in the church. I wasn't mad for me- I was only mad for Ashley. Well, not for her, but nothing happened to me for me to be so mad about. I was just mad that this was happening to the love of my life. Ashley sure as hell didn't deserve this. She's never done anything wrong for her to deserve this- plus she is already perfect in herself. Ashley didn't have to come today, but she chose to anyway. That's what matters to me. She didn't do anything and she's still dealing with all this.

"Spencer, listen-"

"No, Helena, you listen," I cut her off. "You need to stop."

Aunt Helena rolled her eyes, "Oh, Spencer-"

"No, Helena. I'm being serious. You need to stop this, now." She tried to speak, but I waved her off. "No, I don't care about your reasoning because it's shit, okay? It's shit."

She looked too stunned to speak.

"I'm the one that doesn't deserve her, okay? I'm the one that doesn't deserve her. Aunt Helena, you need to understand that Ashley is going to be around for a long time. In fact, she's going to be around forever. Okay? Do you understand that yet? I love her. I need her. I want her. She's going to be around for as long as she wants to be around and hopefully, that'll be forever. I'm not going to leave her. She's always going to be here. You have to deal with that or just… no. Deal with it."

Rolling my eyes, I walked away before she could say anything.

Xxxxx

The ceremony was tense and beautiful at the same time. My mom cried even though Grandma Martha wasn't her mom, and so did Helena. I cried too. I cried for Grandma Martha, for Ashley, for Helena, for Connor, for Granddad, for everything. The funeral just gave me an excuse to cry openly, really. I had already been crying on my own (saying alone just seems far too depressing) for the past two days now, so openly wasn't much of a change. I held Granddad's hand through the whole thing, and he gave me a kiss on the forehead once it was all over. He smiled at me with his sad eyes and that's all I thought of as I now sat at the kitchen island, alone staring at my hands waiting for nothing.

"Where's Ashley, love?" Granddad walked into the kitchen, holding his coffee mug. I smiled at him. "Did she leave without a kiss goodbye?"

"I'm afraid so, Granddad."

He sighed and sat down across from me. "I'm glad she came though. It was nice to feel her."

I smirked, looking up at him. "Feel?"

"Well, you can always feel the love when you two are together," he shrugged, taking a sip from his mug. "It's nice to feel love in such a sad time."

I looked down. "I messed up, Granddad."

He frowned, looking at me. "Do I want to know?"

I shook my head. He was never fond of Connor. He always thought he was a prick, even though he wasn't. He always told me that there is just something that screams 'ASSHOLE' about him. "Probably not."

He nodded, playing with his mug. "You know, I think it's great when people screw up once in awhile, Spence. Especially when they're in a relationship."

I chuckled sarcastically. If only everyone thought that way. "Oh really?"

"Really. It shows real commitment on one end, though it's not really ever equal. It's nice to see that people actually want to work things out even after things go bad. That shows how much you really love someone, you know. Or how much someone really loves you," He nodded, taking another sip of his coffee.

"I sure hope Ashley will still love me," I murmured to myself.

"Now, if Ashley really loves you, and I'm sure she does," Granddad smiled at me, "She'll forgive anything. But that doesn't give you a reason to just do anything you want now, Spencer."

"I only love her, Granddad."

Never have I ever thought that I would be talking to my Granddad about girls.

"Then go tell her," he shrugged. "It'd be nice to have dinner with her sometime. How about you go to California, go get her and come back, eh? I'll have some fancy Italian dish waiting for the both of you."

I smiled, nodding. "I think I just might."

"I never liked that Connor kid anyway." Granddad took a sip of his coffee, shaking his head at me. "He sucks."

I just laughed at that.

"Spencer!" Connor taped on the sliding glass window that enters the kitchen. I was about to stand, but he just let himself in. I sighed. I knew he'd come after me. "Spencer, I need to talk to you."

Granddad smirked as he got up. He leaned down to my ear, "At least Ashley says hello when she sees me."

He kissed me on the forehead and made his exit. Connor just stood near the sliding glass door with his arms crossed. I sighed.

"So do you mind explaining what the hell is going on?" He made a face. "And who the hell is Ashley? Your mom was talking about her at the funeral."

"The love of my life," I answered, looking down at Granddad's mug. I looked up at him. He looked more confused than ever. There's no point in hiding it. I just hope I'm still the love of Ashley's life.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ashley is my girlfriend," I looked him in the eye. "I plan on spending the rest of my life with her… and then some."

"Are you kidding me?" He made a face, shaking his head at me.

"No, I'm sorry how this all planned out, but-"

"Why'd you do it?" He sighed. "You wouldn't have done it if you didn't still have feelings for me."

I looked him in the eye. "I have lost those feelings forever, Connor. There's only her now."

And I know that now. I always have.

There was nothing I could really do anymore. All I really wanted to do now was go find Ashley, and love her the best I could until she could find it in her heart to forgive me. Connor didn't say anything more. He just walked out with his head down, leaving me on my own.

I can only hope Ashley will be so forgiving.

Christine let me use her private plane since there were no flights out for L.A. She was happy to do so, even excited actually. I was just plain out nervous. I cried on the plane, and didn't even care enough to cover it up. I cried in the cab as well, I cried everywhere. I still had fresh tears on my face once I approached the door.

I walked into the flat and the first thing I saw ripped my heart. I dropped my things and covered my mouth with my hand, "Oh god."


	15. Suspense

**It's lovely to see you all are still interested. Thank you for all the reviews and such.**

**This is for Elly1212, since she made a very valid point (:**

**Again, thank you.**

**I hope you enjoy this.**

**The next chapter is the last one.**

**Xxxx**

"Raife is on his way," Christine sat down next to me as we waited in the waiting room of Saint Dylan hospital- the hospital Christine opened up after she lost her son. We were in the waiting room of the E.R, waiting to find out how Ashley is doing.

I found her face down, unconscious and unresponsive.

"Kyla and Lana are on their way over," she sighed. I've never had many interactions with Mr. Rafael Matthew Davies throughout my 4 years with Ashley. They haven't been close since the divorce, so when he is around, you know it's bad.

"I'm sorry for making you call," my voice sounded raspy as ever so I cleared my throat. I didn't know what happened, just that if made me feel physically ill knowing that Ashley was ill. I cleared my throat again. "I shouldn't have made you do that. I should have called- I'm sorry."

"Oh honey, I think you have enough to deal with right now," she smirked. I attempted a smile, but my lips didn't seem to budge. She frowned, "She's going to be okay, and you know that right?"

All I could think about was finding her.

"Of course," I nodded, looking down at my hands.

She nodded at me, which in my mind, declared the conversation over. After that, we just sat there in silence for over 5 minutes. It was so nice, really. To just sit with her. It felt clear, and lovely. I couldn't help but feel the elephant in the room. I could feel that something was on Christine's mind. Something always is. Her tired eyes give it away.

"Raife never really got over Dylan's death," she paused. I looked at her. I never knew Christine as one to open up. This was what she wanted to say. This was what she needed to say. "Dylan was his only son, you know? His boy. It didn't help that we didn't... prepare, either. But how could you prepare for your own child's death?"

I nodded and bit my lip.

"I couldn't talk to him for awhile," she shook her head. I took her hand, holding it safely in mine. "He blamed Ashley for it- well he never said it out loud, but he changed. He was just so different, Spencer. And well, maybe I could have tried harder and maybe I could have actually made it work with him, but I just... couldn't handle that. I couldn't have a husband that resented our daughter for something she couldn't control."

She sighed, looking up at the ceiling. She didn't cry- I don't think I had ever seen Christine Davies cry. But you could tell that it was hard for her to get out. How could it not?

"She was messed up for awhile," she sighed again. "She was never fully okay until she met you though."

"What?" I couldn't believe that. Ashley had Haley before she had me.

"Well, yeah," Christine shrugged, looking at me now. "What did you expect?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well when Ashley was with Haley, you could always tell they weren't going to last. Perfect couple, sure but even they knew it. They want different things. They understand that now, so they don't cross over any lines," she cleared her throat. "But you, you changed things. You and Ashley... you two have a life together. I don't think either of you understand how big and... rather beautiful that really is."

I bowed my head. I couldn't look Christine in the eye anymore. Not after cheating on her daughter.

"You two have plans for each other. And well, I don't know about you Spence but Ashley really wants to spend the rest of her life with you."

"That's all I want, Christine."

"What do you want?"

"Ashley."

"What happened?" Raife hurried into the room, breaking the conversation between Christine and I. He looked more tired than I had ever seen him. Tired, but yet professional for a former rock star. Every single time I saw him; he always wore a suit and today was no exception. I gulped. I had never really been with the entire Davies' clan all together. It was always separate- even when it was at the same event.

"Dad, Calm down." Lana walked in from the other side of the room with a worried looking Kyla on her arm. I frowned as Kyla ran over and hugged Christine and I.

"Oh Lana, I'm sorry. I would just like to know why my daughter got called into an emergency room at 3 o'clock in the morning, alright?" He chuckled sarcastically. "Or is that simply too much to ask for?"

"I found her unconscious lying on the floor, face down," I looked up at him. He sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "She wouldn't wake up. I didn't know what else to do."

He just scratched his head, sitting down on a chair far from us. Christine rolled her eyes at him. "What, Christine?"

"What? I didn't say anything, Rafael." Christine rolled her eyes, brushing him off. He rolled his eyes, sitting back in his seat. "I need a glass of wine."

"You always do."

"Oh, shut up Rafael!"

"Mrs. Davies?" A doctor came out, holding a clip board. I immediately stood up, walking toward him. I heard Christine mumble something about how that's not her name- _It's Christine Brewer now, ass-eyes-_ and how that she was remarried now and about how she only kept her professional name as Davies because all of her enterprises and business were under that name.

We all crowded around the doctor.

"She's doing fine," he stated, smiling at all of us. We all sighed in relief. "She just collapsed due to exhaustion and too much stress on her heart. She has a heart condition, correct?"

"She does," Christine started pacing.

"Does she take any medication?"

"She's prescribed to many, but she doesn't take them all. She is bound to Enalapril everyday though. It's needed."

"Well we found none of that in her system, which explains a lot," he sighed. My heart sank at that. Ashley wasn't taking her medication again. "She's not awake, but you can all go see her. We just need you all to make sure that she takes her medication daily. If this happens again, her heart just might get worse."

"Yes sir. Of course."

"Alright. Room 256."

Christine and Kyla practically sprinted to Ashley's room. Raife had a phone call to take, so he stepped aside to take it. I was afraid to see Ashley- afraid I would break down if I see her again.

"Failing at your job there, Spence?" Lana smiled at me as we slowly walked to Ashley's room. I sighed.

"It's been a tough time, Lana."

"Well obviously if my sister ends up in a hospital," she opened Ashley's door and held it open for me. "After you, Carlin."

Christine and Kyla were on each side of Ashley, holding her hands and talking to her. I smiled.

Ashley looks so peaceful when she sleeps.

I just sat with Ashley for a long time. I didn't leave her. Being in Christine's hospital, the visiting hours are endless. Raife left after an hour. I wasn't really surprised at that. Christine and Lana left the next day to get changed and get breakfast and stuff like that. Kyla left during the afternoon, while yelling at me to call her if anything came up. Nothing did. Exhaustion fell over me after awhile so I slept. I don't know for how long, but I woke up to darkness and Ashley's eyes.

"Hello," she smiled at me. I immediately sat straight up, but immediately regretted it due to the pain in my neck. Her voice sounded raspier than usual, so I handed her a cup of water and helped her drink it through the straw. She sighed once she was finished, laying down back in her bed.

I stretched out my neck and held her hand. "You scared me."

"I scared myself," she smiled, making me frown. "What am I doing here?"

"You don't remember?"

She shook her head, "Clearly not, no. All I remember is the plane ride home."

I sighed, brushing my hands over her wrists.

"You blacked out in our apartment because you haven't been taking your medication, Ashley," I tried to look her in the eye, but she just rolled hers. I sighed, leaning back in my chair, but still holding her hand. "Which I'm practically livid about right now. Not to mention concerned. Why would you do that, Ashley?"

She made a face, "Well, what did you expect?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it says," she shrugged. "You were done and I was worried about you. You could have been dead, Spence and knowing your family, no one would call me."

"Are you kidding?" I made a face at her and let go of her hand. "You're the first on my kin. But aside from that, you know just about all the men in my family love you, Ashley."

"Well I'm sorry for being so worried," she rolled her eyes. "I won't next time."

I sighed.

"ASHLEY BERLIN DAVIES!" Christine marched into the hospital room, a bottle of precious wine in hand. Ashley just looked down right terrified more than anything, whereas I was still in shock. Christine marched over to the other side of the bed. "How dare you not take your medication! The doctors don't prescribe that to you for their own health, you know! I swear that the next time this happens, you are grounded!"

"Mom!" Ashley did her best to make a mad face, "You're embarrassing me!"

"You think I care right now? Because believe me Darling, I don't. I sweat, the next time you do this shit, you're grounded, kid. You're going to move back in with me and you're going to follow me wherever you I go. I'll hand feed you those goddamn pills."

And that is why I love Christine Davies.

"But Mom-"

"No buts!"

"Mom, I have work."

"Daughter, you work for yourself."

"So do you!"

"We'll just hang out and talk then," Christine smiled brightly and looked at me. "Spencer, you can join."

I smiled, "Thanks, Christine."

Ashley smiled at me and took my hand again. I didn't object. In fact, I missed her hand in mine.

"Here ya go," Christine handed me a glass of wine. I chuckled and took a sip. Her savior.

"What about me?" Ashley frowned.

"Darling, you are in a hospital," Christine made a face at her, while Ashley just rolled her eyes. "No wine for you for 3 months."

Ashley just sighed and rolled her eyes again.

xxxxx

"Daughter," Christine handed Ashley her pulls as Ashley laid down on the couch in our apartment. Lana and Kyla chuckled as Christine shoved them into Ashley's mouth and proceeded to force water down her throat. We were all in Ashley and I's apartment, sitting in the living room while Ashley lay on the couch. They released Ashley in the morning, even though they weren't planning on releasing her until next week but Ashley kept complaining so they let her go. She walked with a limp since her heart didn't gain all control back, which was probably why they still wanted to keep her.

"Drink some more," Christine shoved the glass of water back into Ashley's mouth. I chuckled. Christine treats Ashley like a 4 year old when she gets sick. It's embarrassingly cute.

"Mom, all of you have a charity event to go to," Ashley groaned as Christine pampered her face with a napkin even though nothing was on it. "You're hosting. You cannot be late for that."

"Oh stop," Christine rolled her eyes at that. "You right, actually."

Lana and Kyla chuckled as Christine tucked a frowning Ashley in. It was quite adorable, as they always are. Christine kissed Ashley's forehead. "I'll see you later, love. Spencer, you'll take care of my baby, right?"

"I will," I smiled. I had been downing wine ever since we got here. Not enough to get drunk, but tipsy enough to feel it. It felt better. I knew that I had to tell Ashley. I couldn't hold it anymore. "Bye bye."

Ashley turned to me once they exited and grabbed my hand. "Thank you."

"Hold that thought," I chuckled to myself, rolling my eyes. I'm going to lose her. "I've got something to tell you, Ash."

"I'm tired of fighting, okay? I'm tired of it. I don't want to fight with-"

"Ashley, you need to know this."

"Can we just-"

"I cheated on you."


	16. Finale

_**Hello all who is still interested. I'm sorry for the hiatus. I had to try to figure out how I was going to take this story, and I think I've got it now. This is the final chapter of Shine. Thank you all for following and reviewing. It seriously means a lot. I've got a sequel in mind, so be sure to let me know if you'd like me to put it up.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

There is nothing but silence. There is no noise, no movement, no air, no nothing. The air is still even with the air condition on. The only noise is coming from Kiki's bell or occasional meow or for Cheerio's hopping. They both are sitting in front of me, side my side staring up at me with their big curious eyes. They can tell something's up. A cockroach could, really. You can feel it in this air that won't leave me alone. Ashley is in the room so in all actuality, I am alone.

We haven't spoken in four hours, forty-eight minutes and twenty-seven seconds. A bit obsessed, yes. Ashley and I literally have not exchanged two words to each other since I told her that I cheated on her. Right after I told her, all she did was get up and limp her way to the bed room. Her eyes didn't falter, nor did her presence. It was just like she just wanted to go into the bedroom. I called after her, but she acted as if no one else was in the apartment. I cried for a bit. All I could do was sit at the door and plead with her to let me explain, but she didn't want to hear it. Why would she? She didn't owe it to me. There's no obligation for her to do so. It's all up to her. She doesn't owe me anything. Hell, I'll be lucky if she keeps letting me stay in her house.

Being the pathetic blonde I am, I'm sitting with my pets in front of my laptop with the livejournal dedicated to 'Spashley'. It seems as though there are already rumors from our split. People magazine claims that I 'moved back to Ohio to get away from Ashley's cheating ways.' They're also naming me the reason why Ashley was in the hospital, yet they know I was by her side the entire time.

Ashley walked out of the bedroom slowly. I just stared at her in awe- almost star struck. She walked into the kitchen and started to look around for food. She sighed after awhile and I read her mind as she moved to go put on her jacket.

"Ashley, you're not supposed to be going out," my voice shook as I faced her. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you go."

In more ways than one.

She sighed, walking back into the kitchen. I knew she knew she couldn't leave, which is why she's not fighting back. "Then what the fuck am I going to eat in this place?"

"I could make you something."

She looked at me for the first time and raised her eyebrow. I gulped. "Kissing my ass now?"

I made a face, "No, I just want you okay."

"And now you care, right?" she smirked at me and it practically broke me again.

"Ashley, I always care."

"Oh really?" she made a face at me from behind the counter. I almost sighed. i could feel the emotions coming on already. "Cause i sure does seem like you don't, Spencer."

"You didn't even let me explain," I stood up. Yeah, emotions are definitely present right now. Ashley seemed a bit surprised, but she stayed put. "Please, Ash. I need to explain."

"For you or for me?" She shook her head at me, shrugging her shoulders. I closed my eyes. "Besides that, what explanation could you possibly come up with that'll make me feel better, Darling? What could you possibly say?"

Of all the time I've known Ashley, she has never looked at me with... negativity in her eyes. Maybe sadness, jealousy or lust, but never anything hateful dreaded for me. Maybe anger or rage, but never hate. Even know, all I can see is despair, anger and something new.

Disgust.

"Ashley, I was drunk-"

"Oh, how famous!" She smiled at me. She had that look in her eye. The look of a person that gets destructive when hurt. "What're you going to tell me next? Hm? Was it an ex too? I'll bet all my money it was Connor."

I looked down. She was right. What could I possibly say?

"Ha," She smiled that smile we all know. "What a lovely first day out of the hospital."

"Ashley, please believe me when I tell you that it didn't mean anything."

"Oh, did it not?" she raised her voice a bit. "Just like me though, right?"

"Could you at least let me explain?"

This will go on forever any other way.

"No. You gave me shit for one little kiss with a stranger, Spencer." she pointed at me, making me sigh again. I could feel the tears coming on again. "And you expect me to just let a hook up with someone that actually means something to you go, just like that?"

"I just want to explain!" I could hear the cracks in my voice. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry. It didn't mean anything. I swear Ashley, it didn't. I was just sad, drunk and my feelings were all over the place."

"So now you have feelings for him, eh?"

"No!" I made a face. The only person I could ever imagine having feelings for is Ashley. I couldn't even think about that changing. "You are the only one, Ashley."

She shook her head slowly at me, "Obviously now, Spencer."

"I was sad," I felt a tear fall. Her expression didn't change. "I was sad and I was vulnerable. You weren't there and I needed someone."

"Oh, so now you didn't want me there then," all the bitchiness was gone from her voice now. Nothing but sadness now.

"What?" I made a face.

"You know I could have been there in a second. I asked you every single day you were there," she shrugged. "I could have been there and I was. A bit late though, wasn't it?"

I started breaking down again. The tears were heavy now. "No, Ashley. That's now what I meant. Everything is just coming out so wrong.."

"Oh, I would certainly hope so Spencer," she chuckled with glistening eyes.

"It was nothing more than what it was," I sniffled. She sighed and rolled her eyes as she stared at me. "It was just a few kisses, Ash."

"A few? A few? A few kisses with your ex boyfriend, Spencer? Oh, that's fine," she shook her head sarcastically. Her heard did not need this today. "Oh, but a kiss with a complete stranger? Oh fuck that shit."

"That was... different." I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I wasn't thinking before I spoke. Everything just.. flowed.

Collisions.

"How so?"

"Okay, did you seriously have to do it right then and there? Did you have to do it in front of me? Was it absolutely necessary for you to kiss that girl, Ashley?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head. "Now, I think it was."

More tears.

"I can't do this right now," she shook her head, grabbing her jacket. I wanted to object, but my throat wouldn't let me. "I can't, okay? I'm sorry. I've got to get out of here. Everything is making me think of you and I can't stand it. I'm going to Aiden's. I'll be okay. I promise. I just... can't."

And then she was gone.

So I sat back down, tears still streaming, and started scrolling on the livejournal. Kiki rubbed her head against my knees with sad eyes and for a second, I don't hate her guts.

It seems like hours when she's gone. It probably is, but I haven't looked at the clock because my eyes can't seem to leave this picture in front of me. I can't remember where this was, or when, or who we were with or anything about this picture. But it seems as though the internet knows more about it than I, so for a second, I take the time to appreciate them. It's of Ashley and I. Her hair is short, so I can only assume it's from the beginning of our relationship. It's a bird's eye shot, as if it was taken from the buildings above us, from a balcony. She's wearing a light blue button down and slacks with her hair all perfect and silky. She's smiling and she's got her arm around me. We're both laughing and she's looking down at me with that look in her eye. We look so happy as if we're infinite. There aren't many people around us, but I appreciate it. It seems as though we don't have a care in the world; only a care for each other. We're the only ones existing in each other's worlds. It's lovely. It's sensational. And now I know that I'll do whatever it takes to keep these rumors from being true.

I don't know how long she's been gone, but I miss her already. I'm worried about her and its killing me that I can't just pick up the phone and call her anymore. Of course, I can, but in all reality, I can't. She won't answer. She probably hasn't even brought with her. She could be in the hospital right now and I wouldn't know. She could be dead right now and I'd be sitting here on the internet. It's odd, though. It feels as if she's gone and I haven't felt that before. Not even when I left for that short while. I'm sure that's just because I knew that she was still there- that she'd always be there. That I still had her to come home to, but now I... don't.

My head is snapped towards the door at its abrupt opening and I see Ashley walking briskly toward me. Before I know it she is kneeling in front of me and I've got a ring in front of my face. She coughed, "Would you marry me?"


End file.
